Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Women don't initiate sex! Or do they?

An email from another anonymous female reader, this one not so positive.  I asked and received approval to answer it publicly.  The email is from Shane (a girl's name, I had to ask):

No woman will ask a man to bed so quickly, and not 10 women or whatever you wrote about in time's past.  I don't believe it.

If you don't take charge, the women will get bored and find another guy.

My response, written on the plane from Houston today:

I've heard this before.  I've heard it from women I've been casual friends with who said they'd never beg a guy for sex, they'd never invite him into their bedroom if he wasn't already grabbing at them or kissing them or making typical snide male comments about sex.

I've slept with some of those naysayers.  When?  When they begged me to.  When they put their mouths on me.  When they started showing signs of desire or desperation.  I proved them wrong.  I don't know you Shane, but I think I can convince you nonetheless.

I'm a gentleman, but I'm not nice.  I'm not handsome, but I'm confident of my attractiveness to some of the opposite sex.  I don't wear my heart on my sleeve, and I tend to keep my mouth shut even when prompted.  My eyes give away everything, if women are attentive enough to realize it.

If I am attracted to someone, you'll know it.  My posture will be taller, I'll make casual teasing glances towards you when we're not face to face.  I'll face my body away from you instead of towards you.  I won't act shy, but confident.  I'll walk like a man, and I'll listen like a good man.

All women show signs when you're attracted to men; more laughing, simple touches of the man's body (shoulders, arms, hands, back), touching your own body (mouth or hair or ear or hands).  When a woman shows me her desire or attraction, I'll put myself in a closer position to let it increase.  It's not hard to be a good tease while still keeping my thoughts mysterious and hidden.

When I'm wooing a woman, I'm open to your questions.  I won't prompt for them, but you'll be comfortable in minutes, not hours or weeks or months.  I won't be afraid to look at another pretty woman in front of you, but I'll give you more attention than anyone else in the room.  I'll remember important things in the conversation, and bounce them back at you for further information.  You won't be talking to a man who is looking at your tits, I'll be looking in your eyes.

I don't turn women down, I won't turn you down.  We may not have sex, but I'm always open to at least kissing, even with friends.  It's just kissing.  Sometimes kissing can give us knowledge if more is worthwhile or not.  I like to kiss, and women who know me can feel it.  I've been kissed first 80% of the time, usually just moments or minutes before I was planning on it anyway.

There will never be uncomfortable silence between us.  There will never be a lack of conversation.  You will never be bored with me, no matter what it is we're doing.  You can sit on my couch with the latest book I received, and I can sit with my notepad and pen.  You'll still be excited, just because you're doing something that is exciting with me, rather than boring alone or with other guys.

I'll instill a sense of beauty, womanhood and confidence in you from the start.  You're a sexy person, you have skills and talents, no matter what you think.  You'll feel your pain and sadness and frustrations with life drain away when you talk to me.  It will get better.  You will feel better.  You'll leave me when we're done for the day and you'll feel that twinge of emptiness, but then you'll feel full and satiated.  You'll want more.

Am I cocky?  No, actually I'm not.  Am I an asshole?  No.  Casanova?  I wish.  Am I playing with your mind or your heart?  Never.  I'm open and honest, even if I am quiet and mysterious.

Even if we don't breech the subject of sex, you'll think about me in bed.  I know you will.  You may not find my face attractive or my body impressive, but you'll think about it.  When I listen, when I see through your eyes to the depths of your pain and happiness, you'll think about it again.  There's a tiger there, and most men ignore it.  Most men don't give it a chance to come out.

If you decide you want to try my bed or my couch, you'll get frustrated that I won't make a move on you.  I don't need to: I want you to want me more than anything else.  It'll burn up inside of you, you'll spend a few bucks on new C batteries.  But the day will come when you've decided to give it a chance.  You'll hate it because you think the man should be completely the suitor.  I disagree.  I give you choices, and you accept whichever one you want.

So I'll be there, looking strong and confident and assured.  I'll help you justify your life as it is today, and you'll desire my body inside of you and on you.  You'll be the one who kisses me, likely, but I'll be right there ready to accept it.  It won't feel wrong.  It won't be wrong.

If the kissing leads us to other desires and attractions, we'll sleep together, but even that is a process to increase your desire and your positive result from sex.  It won't be me begging you or getting you drunk.  I won't take advantage of you.  You'll feel like a queen that night and many days and nights afterwards.  If you want more, I'll likely be waiting, seeing if you do.  If you don't, I promise you it will effect you for a long time to come.

So, no, women don't throw themselves at me; they just read my desires and let them coincide with their own.  It isn't sex to me, it's meeting a need you have.  If you have that need, you'll come calling.


Andy said...

My excuses to you Shane, but it's non-sense. Why is it "ok" for a man to ask for sex so quickly but not for a woman?

If the woman knows how to play the man correctly, she could actually enjoy teasing him, and the ball is in HER court. Women are always more complicated to turn-on than men.

And honestly, if you hope the man will do all the job, no wonder why you don't believe women don't give in that easy. You're saying it's wrong? I'm sorry, but no. Sex is just not one way. For it to work, both parts must be into it.

It's all a matter of trust actually. If the guy inspires you trust, what are afraid of? CS is not looking for a long-term relationship. If he was, he'd keep the mystery longer.

You want long.term relationships? Agreed. You'll wait. You want to "satisfy a need" as he calls it? If you trust him, why not?

Now, CS. I know I ignored you in this comment, but I felt it was my responsibility to give her a woman's opinion.