Thursday, May 28, 2009

First Date Expectations

I'm a dating son-of-a-bitch. I like to date, for many reasons:

1. I get to meet a large variety of women, some way outside of my usual attraction areas.
2. I get to have fun with someone new, adding a little more excitement to life.
3. It's always an ego-boost.
4. It helps to try many brands before you settle on one.

I am also a tough inspector. I would say that 70% of women I date once don't get the chance for #2. I'm rough. I have very high expectations for a first date. And no, I will never accept "She's having a bad day" as a reason to violate my rules.

My rules for first dates are simple:

1. If she doesn't touch me, she's out. A woman's touch is the supreme indicator of physical attraction. She's got 2 hours, then she's relegated to friendship status. There is absolutely no chance of anything serious once that happens.
2. If she talks about exes, she shouldn't be focused on one. I don't date women who are hung up on a guy. Get over him, he's just a guy. It didn't work out, move on.
3. If her cell phone comes out more than once, I end the date immediately. I don't care what is going on in life (best friend is going through a breakup, dog is sick, etc, etc, etc): if you're out with me, you're convincing ME to go on a second date.
4. If she's scanning the room constantly, she's out. Focus on me, or focus on us.
5. She has to smile and laugh at least sometimes. Overly serious women are never called back.

It's harsh, and I know it is. I am, by far, one of the best catches out there. I don't lie, I don't cheat, I don't steal. I am financially comfortable, but don't brag about it. I know every restaurant, dive bar, club and secret digs. I'm hella fun, cute-but-not-hot, a great dancer, and I'm a rocket in the sack. I don't need to lower my standards. There are likely 100,000 women in my dating spec in Chicago alone, not including the burbs. Be special, show interest.

So I called the gal I met at a bike shop last week. She was attractive, she definitely shot me eye contact throughout the store. I'm fairly certain she came to the accessory area I started talking to her in, in hopes of me talking to her. She gave me her number, fast. When I called today, she said she was very excited that I called her and wasn't expecting me to.

She reminds me, a little, of Winona Ryder: small frame, big eyes, short hair, great smile. Way outside of my usual spec for dating, but I like to change things up. Our phone conversation was very simple:

Her: "Hello?"
Me: "Hi, it's Sane."
Her: "From the bike shop?"
Me: "That's right."
Her: "Oh, I'm really excited you called. I didn't think you would."
Me: "Why's that?"
Her: "You seemed like you were in a rush. Didn't have time to talk."
Me: "I prefer to do that over drinks or appetizers. Let's get together next week."
Her: "Ok, what day were you thinking?"
Me: "I'm free Tuesday and Wednesday. Day or night, depending on your work schedule."
Her: "I can move things around. Tuesday is great."
Me: "Ok. Where do you live?"
Her: "Just south of Skokie in Chicago."
Me: "Give me your address and I'll pick you up at 8."
Her: (gives address) "8 is great."
Me: "Perfect. Gotta run, I'll see you Tuesday at 8."

Done. Easy, quick, simple, over. I have no desire to talk to her on the phone. We didn't swap email addresses. I gave her two options, she picked one. If she said no to both, the game is over, then and there. I will accept a woman who offers a counter-date, because schedules can be packed, but I really don't have time for a woman who is so uninterested in me that she won't adapt for a first date. Again, there are many fish in the sea.

On Tuesday, I'll pitch her two options: a bar for drinks, or a restaurant for apps. Of those two picked, I'll pitch her two options for places to go. I offer simple options, she does the choosing. This keeps it exciting for her to guide the night, with me doing the final picking. It's win-win.

I don't have a lot of hope for the date, but who knows? I'm in a real crux right now in terms of what I can afford to offer a woman. I definitely don't want a girlfriend at the moment. I don't need any more friends, either. If it gets past a first date, I will lay down what I'm looking for on date #2. I don't like to waste time getting to know someone who is obviously not a match for me, and vice versa.

Methinks she'll be a great girl, probably a great girlfriend for someone. I just have that feeling. But I like dating, I love first dates, and you never know what chemistry can happen in a short 2-hour meet-and-greet.