Wednesday, May 6, 2009
An email from kaitlynsez:
read your site straight through in an hour. you should write more. so i see you have had your way with some women lately but they're not in your life? what is wrong with them and what do you look for in a woman?
Good questions. Heard them before from friends and relatives (and lovers or girls I dated that ended up as friends). My answer today is the same as my answer 10 years ago: someone who is in sync with my life today, but understands that at our age, things can and do change.
I'm still "shopping" for what I want. I understand women (not all elements, but the common factors), so it is easy for me to see through lies, depression, and lack of self-worth issues. Yet in many ways I'm like a 30-something who is going out to buy a car but has never ridden in one and wouldn't know if I needed a pickup truck, a sports car or maybe a boat or airplane.
As for "having my way" with the ladies, that's not the case at all. Some of those I've fooled around with read this site (I'm very open with people I know in real life that I run it). In each case in the past 3 years, they had their way with me, rather than vice versa. I love sex, but I don't chase it. If the opportunity appears, and I'm interested, and it's safe, and I trust them not to change their attitude after, I'll take them up on it.
What I look for in a woman isn't too difficult. I'm shallow in some ways, so generally someone thinner, like me, works best. I've dated some ladies who are thicker than my usual selection, and I had no problems. I tend to only ask out women I find attractive, and my attraction revolves around a pride for how they look: dress, makeup/hair, physique. I get lambasted often for going after tall model types, but that's only because I dated 3 in a row (and broke it off with all 3 within a few months each when it wasn't going in any particular direction).
Secondly, I like those who have insight into where they want to be in 5 years or 10 years, or even 2 years. Leaves on the wind don't interest me because my mental process can't wrap my head around someone who is in a constant state of flux, emotionally, financially, locationally. Having a goal to do SOMETHING and taking steps to see it are prime importance.
If I'm looking for just sex, I tend to go after girls who are taken, but who have boyfriends who lack in providing good sex, great teasing, and a focus on energetic adventuring. I'm the other guy, yes, but it bothers me little. 40-60% of couples have infidelity. That number is consistent over man's existance, and I'm not caring to change it. My last 3 best lovers were all in serious relationships, and continue to be in those same relationships. In 2 cases, I taught them enough that they were able to change their own significant other's sexual abilities, stamina or interest. Success all around, I'd say.
If I'm looking to date (not sex), I prefer women who have things to do. I've dated women with no jobs, no school and no hobbies, and it gets aggravating when they want to see me every day. I can't do it. I'm a busy man, and I set aside 1 day a week for dating, and 1 day a week for friends. If my schedule opens up, I spend those days doing things for MYSELF. I prefer women who have the same schedule: hectic enough to be busy, free enough to spend a day off with me doing something we both need to clear our heads of our hectic lives.
If I'm looking to marry... well, I have no idea. I'd love kids, I'd love a nice home and I'd love a great wife. I just don't know how to define those areas, yet. I haven't met her, but I hope I'll realize it when I do.
I prefer a woman with decent sexual experiences under their belt. Lately, as I've been dating women mostly between 23 and 28, I've encountered a TON of women who have bedded more than I have, but have almost no real experience. The complaints are either "Pencil-dick couldn't last more than 10 minutes" or "He'd fuck me but I felt I wasn't there." Common problems, from what I've heard. Still, I like a woman to know what she has (me) through comparison than not. I've slept with my share of virgins or near-virgins, and they generally loved sex with me, but were unaware of it until years later. I'd always get an email asking me if I recall this or that (I didn't, unless I journaled about it).
If we're not serious, she should be dating others. I don't care who she goes out with, kisses, fucks, or wants. I won't ask, I won't tell. It'll keep her busy, and if I'm the best guy in her life, I'll get dibs when I am free. I don't mind students, busy workers, whatever.
I love girls who have a sexiness to them, who live the tease without forcing it. I'm the same way. I also love girls who can build up pressure inside of them, like I do, and put it all into me when we're both ready to explode. Easy lays are sort of boring. I prefer a little hard work (note: I don't chase or play hard-to-get.)
I don't care so much about sports affiliations, eating habits, pets, or health issues. Have them or not, it won't sway me. Honesty, while important, is easy to monitor. Liars are fairly obvious, and I catch those quickly. Deceivers can't get in the door.
Probably the most important thing for me, overall, is being happy or knowing how to find some level of happines, even if for just a few minutes a day. Constant complainers who make no changes in their lives are usually out quickly, sometimes after a first date.
Wearing glasses doesn't hurt.