Sunday, May 17, 2009

Whoring it up for your man

It's been great to hear that more and more married women are coming to terms with their own sexuality: both from reading my site, and from others.  I love knowing that a dead sex life for a couple can be reinvigorated with a few simple ideas.  You can read the first post of this on-going series here.

If you've gotten your hubbie back into bed (or in the car, or against the wall in the living room), it's time to increase your sexual prowess by adding new things to keep the spark... sparking.  One thing I love to introduce to couples is the option of adding variety to more than just bedroom sex.

Women, go out and buy the biggest bag of rice you can find, or a sack of potatos, or even peat moss.  I'm talking warehouse huge: 50lbs is good.  Get a few friends and have them help you stick it in the living room by a blank wall.  This is a ridiculous plan, but it works.  If you have kids, a 50lb bag of sand is even better.

When hubbie comes home and inquires what it is, ask if he can lift it up and put it back down.  He'll have problems.  He'll probably complain about it.  You'll complain about it because that stupid sack of uselessness is sitting in your living room.  The kids will ask.  Neighbors will get inquisitive.

Your answer to him is simple: "I need you to work on lifting that bitch regularly, holding it in place, and being able to put it down.  Best yet would be if you could lift it up to waist height, put it halfway down to knee height, and life it again."  He'll ask why.  "I figure that's the strength you'll need to fuck me against that wall properly.  And I'm not letting you remove it until you do."

It'll take weeks.  You'll catch him lifting that bitch in the evening, or on an early Saturday morning.  The kids will have no clue what's going on: "Daddy's trying to get stronger so he can shovel snow/build your sandbox/help with groceries."  Trust me, in a matter of a month or less, that bag of junk will either be cooked, planted or built into a sandbox.  It'll be replaced with your ass and back against the wall (preferably in a nice shirt and your skirt hiked up) with your husband finally pulling a Hollywood fuck scene.

There's more.  Do you smoke?  No?  Sometimes?  If the answer isn't "A pack a day," go out and buy a pack of cigarettes.  Try to smoke one without inhaling and coughing (it isn't sexy).  Hide them in the nightstand or under a pillow with a nice lighter (Bic, not a generic).  Put a glass of water by the bed that you won't drink.  The next time he's inside of you, push him back so he's sitting up (still inside of you).  Pull out the pack of cigarettes and the lighter, put them on your belly or your chest.  Tell him to take a cigarette out and put it in your mouth.  If he asks why, yell "Do it."  Then ask him to light your cigarette.  Then tell him to fuck you while you finish it, and see what comes first.  Be his whore, out of character, out of reason, out of your mind.  Watch him fuck you.  Don't talk, just watch and fake-smoke.  Smile and nod if he looks at your face, then look down at your breasts.  If he comes too quick, just keep fake-smoking it, ashing in the glass cup.  Leave that glass there for the morning to remind him of what you gave him (and maybe, if you're lucky, what he gave you).  Smoking is gross for many, but this is a sexy way to add a little role-playing to your life.

Want to really push boundaries, beyond your previous boring sex life comfort zone?  Take your husband to the mall, Target, whatever, on a busy afternoon.  Tell him you're completely enthralled by the idea of him picking out another woman/girl/college student that he thinks is sexy.  He'll hee and haw and say he only loves you.  Remind him, "You were single once, you had fantasies once.  I do too.  Pick a woman out and then let's get me in similar clothes."  See what he likes: girls in skirts?  Girls in tank tops?  Women in pant suits?  Women in glasses?  He'll fight it, but keep reminding him that he'll have the chance, tonight, to make that fantasy come true with you, and you won't scold him for it.

We're visual creatures, us guys.  We'll be happy in the sack with you, but we'll still see someone in a specific outfit.  Don't worry if she's 60# lighter than you: get a similar outfit from a local store with your own money.  Change into it in the mall, if you can.  Same shoes, fake glasses, whatever.  Then tell him you need a 2 minute head start and to follow you to the car discretely.  Look over your shoulder and try to catch him following, but make it seem like you don't notice.  If you make it home without being filled with his surprise sauce, you're going to get a workout.  Plus you're going to remind him that any fantasy is doable (within reason) as long as he tells you about it.  There's no jealousy here, mama: YOU would probably try to take that same girl/women home if life was different.  Admit it.

If it works, why not turn the tables around and see if you can get your hubbie into the same role as that cute hardbody gayboy who works at local golf store.  Whatever it takes.

Remember, it isn't just about what you like physically in bed, but what you can do to change things up from the norm.  You need to first get there, and reading the first article in the series gives some good, useful pointers.  Once you're there, you need to keep things interesting.

To close it off, I want to remind you the MOST IMPORTANT part about a spicy sex life: the boring sex.  You should never, ever try to always keep it hot.  Ask your hubbie nicely if you can have a boring night of sex.  Tell him to try to finish as fast as he can, however he wants to.  Ask him for a soft lovemaking once in awhile.  This will remind him fo the boring days, so he'll work harder for less of those.  "Let's do it like we did last year."  Last year, that was boring.  "Exactly.  Things are so hot lately, I want to try to remember."  And you will.  You'll never forget


Anonymous said...

I dont blog but I found your site 2 weeks ago. I'm married and my husband and I have "done it" more times in the past 10 days than we have in the past year. Thank you so much. Wish I could share more. Keep writing these hot ways to keep it hotter, I need it, we need it!