Monday, May 11, 2009

Why I'm the supraboyfriend

Supra as prefix can mean "above" or "superior to." In this case, I prefer the first definition.

Since I restarted writing on this blog a few weeks ago, traffic is way up, I have more followers (public and anonymous) and I get a bunch of emails a day. I reply to each one fairly quickly, so if you have questions or comments, just drop me an email. Don't be afraid. You can also use the Anonymous option when leaving a comment to ask a question if you don't want me knowing your email address.

The #1 email topic I receive is either compliments for my writing style or criticisms of my writing style. Some people (mostly women, some men) think I am TOO vulgar or specific. This blog is for me to remember what I did in history. I use vulgarity or specifics to reinforce exactly what I was thinking at the time. This is not a sex blog, but I write about my sexual experiences, so it comes up.

The #2 email topic I receive is hatred or curiosity over why I prefer to date women with serious boyfriends. That's what I want to discuss here.

I've dated attached women all my life, starting at the age of 16. I've dated women aged 18 to 53. I'm not a casanova. I'm not an easy lay. I don't go out looking for sex, and never ONCE in my life have I been the one to lead a woman to the bedroom.

I am a busy man with many projects. I have gained some fame and infamy in a few industries, which is why I try to keep this blog anonymous for myself. I'm not embarassed by it, but I'm not going to lose customers and money over being honest. Forget about it.

Because I am busy, it is very hard for me to give a woman all she needs in a boyfriend. I do well with fuck buddy relationships because I am secure enough to know that she will be likely dating, and maybe even fucking, other men. I love a sugar-daddy relationship because I love to put a girl in nice things. When I have a sugar-baby, sex is not a prerequisite or even a requirement. When I've sponsored a woman, if we have sex, it is always on her request.

The best relationship for me is being the completion of a relationship for a woman. Maybe she has a man who supports her in every way but one. I can be that one. Sometimes I am just a friend who takes her out for drinks and adventure. Someones I am a lover.

The #1 complaint I hear from women, daily, is that their sex life is terrible. MOST of these women are married or in serious relationships. If everything is perfect but sex, should you throw the man out? NO. 60% of relationships have had or will have (or do have) infidelity. It's a fact. On Chicago's Q101 alternative radio station, there is an active advertisement for a dating site that GUARANTEES you'll find someone to sleep with and not get caught by your significant other.

I put it out there better than most: I don't sleep around, I'm not looking to conquer a woman and never call her again. If I have sex with you, it's because you wanted it and showed me the signs you did. In bed, I will only do what I feel you need in bed. I have an extremely fine understanding of women's sexual needs. I'm not a wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am guy. Some women just need a warm, naked body to cuddle against. In this case, I will not seek an orgasm from either of us. Some women need to be violated. Some women need passion and love in the bedroom. I can provide all of it, and when you're done with me, I will leave quietly.

I'm not a hookup. I'm not a one-night-stand. I've had years where I slept with 4 women, and have gone 3 years with no sex. I'm not a sex addict. I just like helping people with their needs. Some women come to me for business or work advice. Others want to just make out with me for hours and they don't want their boyfriend to find out. I'm discrete. I'm quiet. I listen and can listen for hours and hours. I'll never interrupt you talking, and I will retain enough of what you say to guide the conversation towards actual closure for you.

Don't hate me because I slept with a girl who had a boyfriend that she married. She needed me to. She needed real passion, real attention to her body and her needs, and real climatic finality. Sometimes it takes months to reach it, other times it takes just a few treks into the bedroom, against the car, in a public bathroom, or in a hotel.

I like sex, but sex for me is about making a person feel what they need to feel. There's nothing I won't do in bed, but there's only one or two things I like done. I never tell women what that is, but if they ask for it, I'm even happier.

I fake orgasms often. I'd say 30% of my orgasms are fake because the woman is obviously through, and I prefer to make her feel like it was good for me. Most guys can come in 5 minutes sticking it in a meat grinder. For me, it's a process.

Am I vulgar? Yes. Am I immoral? No. Do I interest people? Maybe. At least I'm honest. I won't stalk you or get jealous. I won't set limits or draw lines in the sand. If you decide you want to sleep with me, you'll remember it forever. It's not because of a big dick or anything, I just listen to your words, see your body language, and in an hour know how I can help you in the bedroom.

Do I want a long term girlfriend? Yes, if she can understand my hectic lifestyle. I don't cheat, but I don't force commitments. I hate promises from others, I'd rather take it day by day. You may call it cheating, but some day you may find yourself in the position of needing a guy like me; few of them are around. Most are liars.

I didn't start this blog to meet women. I started it to write my history down so I won't forget it forever. I actually maintain another private blog that I email 15-20 times a day so I don't forget specifics of the day. I try to pare it down and stick the results here.

Have a question? Email me or leave a comment (anonymous if you prefer). Anything goes. I will answer any question.


Anonymous said...

So why is it you turn down some women with boyfriends who are otherwise perfect?

ChicagoSane said...

I guess I'd ask you to be more specific, but if we're thinking about the same people, the answer is simple: I'm a need-meeter.

A sugar baby needs to feel spoiled, and I like to spoil. There's no sexual need on the face of the relationship. I get my needs filled by filling her needs.

A fuck buddy needs a friend to hang out with, and if the night leads to horny teasing, then sex is a need. I can fill both those just fine.

Just a friend needs just a friend who won't hit on them or make them uncomfortable. I excel at this need-filling, too. The stories aren't that exciting, so there's little reason for me to write them down.

A woman I recently slept with in the past year with the perfect boyfriend had her need filled: she needed to be made love to, in an extreme way. I did that. Now that she knows she has that need, she should get it from her boyfriend or dump him. In a relationship, communication is VERY important, especially about sex. If you're uncertain if great sex is what you need, I may be able to help if we're compatible. But if it's obvious that you SHOULD be getting great sex from your guy, then once you get it, you should work on it with him.

Sometimes, it is obvious your guy will NEVER give you great sex. It's not in him or he has other baggage to deal with that may take months or years. In this case, I'm a great side-lover. I won't stalk or get jealous, and if you say it's over for us, it's over.

Does that work?

Anonymous said...

Makes sense

MindfulMama said...

Love your blog -- you have inspired a lot of deep thought for me on my own marriage. I don't need anything from you however ;-) Just to keep reading and learning. I am sort of on a mission these days to learn about how men think (The Book of Guys by Garrison Keiller was a good first step) but your blog is very insightful for me. So thanks.

The Dumbest Smart Girl You Know said...

No offense, but why so selfless? Who gets to spoil you?

ChicagoSane said...

Being selfless is my glitch.

I'm a selfish, egotistical bastard. I'm not kidding. I feel moral superiority to practically everyone I meet. I hate it. I have no idea why I am that way: therapy, psychiatry, none of it works.

My condition that I live with is not considered harmful. It's a rare mental state that is the opposite of depression. Those of us who have it tend to be very serving and caring and attentive, because on the inside we're completely self-involved. So to get away from us, we focus on you.

Who takes care of me? Your smile does. Your red-faced yet flush post-orgasmic grin does. The sound of you breathing in my arms after you've fallen asleep does. That hop in your step, the skip down the stairs, the way you wear your clothes a little tighter or "accidentally" rub your body against mine makes me happy.

It's a curse that I would never trade.

The Dumbest Smart Girl You Know said...

I can see that...self-indulgence through indulging someone else. I don't think that's a glitch at all!

Andy said...

Again, people tend to judge way too quickly. it's always funny afterwards, when they're in the situation they criticize, how they opinion changes.

I know a girl who was super catholic and all, but then she got pregnant. Catholic and all, she aborted.

All I'll say is, hypocrisy is everywhere.