Saturday, May 2, 2009

KIII: Keep It Interesting, Idiot

I logged into my OKCupid account after a good year of not being on there.  The questionnaires are addicting, and the QuickMatch system is decent.  I don't use dating sites, but OKC's social networking-like features are cool.  I've made 3 decent friends from there (one actually a guy), and one short-term lover who I am now just friends with.

I've told single folks I know to try it out, not just for the dating opportunity but the fun in networking with people through their simple questionnaires.  It's a decent matching system no matter what you're looking for.

The gals all found guys to date, but the guys failed miserably.  Upon inquirying what happened, the response was 100% the same: "They just stopped writing."  So I asked them one simple question: where all your replies to the lovely ladies LONGER than theirs?  That response was also a 100% yes.

This is is a mistake men make in dating.  Be it online messaging at a social networking site, initial emails, phone calls or even date conversations, it's important to STFU.  Let the lady lead the discussions.  Inquire into HER life.  If you're taking over the conversation, you're not interested in her enough, and she'll shut you down.

I try to keep my responses to their questions very short.  If I notice her replies to me getting shorter, I'll shut it down way before she will.  If you follow this advice, you'll find yourself in many more good opportunities rather than ones that will obviously fail before you realize it.


Ms. Mandy said...

That is not necessarily true. I am now dating the man I wrote a story about on my blog. And he wrote me many long emails. I liked that he took the time to sit down and really tell me about himself and not play hard to get and stand offish. :)

And I am not passive aggressive! Do I know you?

ChicagoSane said...

Of course there are always exceptions to the rule, but those are VERY rare.

For most guys, long-winded messages on a dating site or social networking site will lead them to failure before they even began.

Once someone knows a person better, even virtually, I'm open to the idea of putting more information out there.

But in my experience, as well as from the many women I've talked to about this, guys turn off the women by being too long-winded: always talking about themselves, their ex, their job, their money, their motivations.

Hell, I do it too much on this site, but I'm not looking for a girlfriend or to get laid because of this site.

ChicagoSane said...

Oh, and I don't know you. Came across your site from a Google search and liked what I read.

Tessa said...

(I shall assume that is also how you found my blog.)

(Which is a fabulous thing, as I've found your posts pretty interesting. Insight into a life/mind/world that I don't generally encounter. Write on.)

ChicagoSane said...

Tessa, that's exactly how I came across yours. I'm planning a trip to Australia soon and did a Google Blogsearch and you popped up. Good writing, I'm a follower.

Thanks for the compliment!