Sunday, May 10, 2009

For my mommy

I do love my mother, but not like a gay man or a momma's boy.  My mom and I have always had a love-argue relationship.  We don't yell, we don't fight, we don't hate each other.  I see her every week to cook her lunch or to take her for a walk when she needs some extra exercise.  She's a beautiful woman, caring and loving.  She wasn't a great mother as my dad wasn't a great father, but it wasn't their fault: I lost my boyhood too early because I matured too fast.  I feel bad on occasion that I was such a terrible son, reaching out to the world at a young age rather than stay a kid.

I'm totally honest with my parents about everything: who I've slept with, what drugs I did (I don't do drugs but on very, very rare occasions), what evil thoughts lurk in the mind of me, etc.  She loves me for the honesty, but is a little bit scared at some of my thoughts of world domination.

I planned this mother's day like I plan every Sunday with my mom.  I bring her flowers every Sunday anyway, so I skipped the flowers this week and instead got her a whole bunch of music for her iPod.  I bought her a list on iTunes, and I hand wrote a few sentences of each song and artist on flower-petal cards I picked up at a scrapbooking store a few weeks back.  An easy presentation and I know she'll love it.  She's also a huge Maroon 5 fan, and I have an inside with the band's engineer so I also got an unreleased track for her that she'll love.  I programmed the MP3 details so it would show up whenever she played their last album.

I also bought her two sets of gloves from Bionic Gloves.  They're really nice, and if I get a chance to garden I have two pairs for myself.  If you garden or have a girlfriend or mom or wife who gardens, buy one of each kind: the Blooms and the Elite.  Yes, they are different gloves for different needs.  I noticed that my mom's gloves are tattered and torn, and financially she's not in great shape.  For her 65th birthday I am planning on paying off her mortgage in full, so I save a little every week towards that.  I hope that she can enter retirement without the stress of the mortgage.

I always like to make a date with my mom for a future time as a Mother's Day gift.  Last year, I worked out a deal with a local botanic garden to name a tiny part of the garden after her for a few months.  I gave her a ChicagoSane giftcard for 1 entire day at the garden, her pick.  She picked early June (when the flower bloom) and when we went she was surprised to see her name there.  "What a coincidence!"  When the botanic director came out with flowers cut from the same garden and presented them to her, she was in tears and nearly fell over.  I caught her and wrenched my back for 3 days, causing me to lose out on a few days of sex when a great friend came into town from Japan for those 2 days.  A worthwhile loss.

This year's date will be an entire henna job on her hands by your's truly.  I love henna, and I wish women would wear it more often.  I discovered my talent for henna when I was in a wedding party 8 years ago.  The bride was supposed to get henna put on the day before, and the artist didn't show up.  So I ran to Devon Avenue (1 hour drive each way), picked up some fresh premixed henna, ran back, and tried it out on my own hand to see if I could do it.  I had never tried it before, but the bride was so excited about it that she let me cover her hands and feet with it.  Well, 2 hands and 1 foot, because I didn't buy enough.  She changed shoes at the last minute to show it off.  It was a hit.

My mother works hard with her hands, and she deserves some pampering.  I don't hold hands with my mothers much anymore, and haven't in 30 years, so this is a good way to do it without feeling out of my usual self.  I know she loves henna and hasn't had it done in 10 years, and I found some great new designs on an African website that I hope to mimic: patterns of things she likes.  I'm going to top off the wrist with a skyline of Chicago, adding a little modern flair to an ancient art form.  She always loves my random, chaotic, anarchistic touches to everything I do.

I always sign my mother's day card "Thanks for fucking my dad, that piece of shit." She'll cry more and laugh more about that than anything else I'll do today.  I cooked her breakfast when she awoke, went and de-weeded about 5% of her garden and walked her dumb useless dog until he shat twice and peed on my shoe.  Now I'm dressing up to head back for lunch.

For those of you whose mommies are gone from your lives, I'll be spending an extra hour and I'll dedicate it to your moms, as I always do each mother's day.  My mom likes that hour because that's when we're just friends.  On mother's day, it helps for many moms to forget they're moms and just be friends and women.  Don't forget that important step.


Celine de Chicago said...

Do you have any idea what writing this does to us women? No, seriously, any idea? Can you just be a clueless loser and write something about how awesome the new slash and murder video game is or maybe whine about how much you hate your boss?

Andy said...

I've always loved Henna tattoos. I get some quite often, actually, maybe once a month. Sometimes something tribal on my ankle, or a sun on my back. I love it. It's useful to get my family to accept I'm getting a real tattoo soon.

Amy said...

I think you've just raised the bar for every male on the planet.

EEE said...


Seriously, your mother is a very lucky lady and she obviously did something right in that whole child-raising thing.

ChicagoSane said...

Amy, Thanks for that sweet comment.

EEE, She might disagree with that haha!

Next year I already planned next year's gift: I'm renting the VFW's cannon to try to launch a rainfall of 20,000 rose petals over her house into her garden. Surprise heart attack from the dynamite, but worth it.

Just waiting on fire department and police approval.