Saturday, May 16, 2009

Come and knock on our door

The Threesome: every man's fantasy, a turn-off for most women, until it gets in their heads.  I tell guys that the best way to get a threesome with their women is to NEVER mention it.  If your sex life is good, if you spend quality time with your gal in a nice pub with attractive people, almost every woman will bring it up the same way: "Ever think about a threesome?"

The right answer is Yes, with caveats.  "Yes, but it seems more like fantasy than reality."  Or "Yes, but I have no idea if it's something I'd do."  Keep it far from a real desire and teasingly reference that you're not sure about it.  It'll whet her appetite for more.

I've done a threesome both ways: two guys and a gal and two gals and me.  I actually prefer the outcome of having another guy than having two girls, for one reason only: the group orgasm.

When it's just you and your lover and you can both reach orgasm at the same time or close, it's definitely stronger and more passionate.  Adding a third person and getting there at the same time threegether is even hotter.  When it's two women and a man, getting everyone off together is tough.  All it takes is one person getting there first (or just two) and someone getting tired.  All of a sudden, you have one person sleeping, one person satiated, and one person who is still waiting.  Usually that person waiting is a woman.

I prefer having two women in my bed than another guy, sure, but it's better if they're bi-leaning.  If by some strange reason I finish first, they can focus on each other for a bit while I get back into gear.  The other problem with two women is the sheer amount of condoms you have to go through.  If I end up with two girls in bed, I prefer the female condom since I can switch at will without having to waste $2 every time I'm jumping from one to the other.  Uncool.

The best threesome I had was when a married couple I was friends with invited me to their house for some pot, some drinks, and a movie.  We never flirted, and the wife is rather cold in general.  The husband was caught cheating a few years earlier with a coworker, and I doubt she ever fully forgave him.  He has the facial lines of a man who doesn't have good sex regularly.

I brought a bottle of wine and acquired some decent pot from a police office friend.  He always gets the best stuff, replacing the cop inventory with crap he takes from his kid.  I don't smoke often, maye once every few years.  I have a bad side effect with marijuana: I get really really horny and can't come easily.  Super-cock is what one girlfriend called it when she experienced it herself.

So we're all hanging out in their living room: Zazzy and Mazzy and myself.  Zazzy is tall, but has gained the spare tire.  He's got a little balding action going on.  Mazzy is dressed really conservatively, almost like the mom from Jon & Kate Plus 8.  She's pretty, but has a cereal box mom haircut.  They have no kids.

We drink a great bottle of wine and then a second.  Zazzy goes to get a roach clip and rolls up a perfect doobie.  I prefer smoking joints, I like to waste and squander.  Bowls and bongs are gross to me, and I don't get that nice buzz.  We're watching the worst possible movie to watch in this situation: Henry and June, a personal favorite.  Uma Thurman would get more of my come on her body than almost any other woman.  I love her insanity in the role she plays.  If Anaïs was still alive today, I'd still nail her.  Probably Miller, too.

We're getting buzzed and the movie progresses.  Everyone's laughing.  Mazzy asked me if I fucked any women recently (I had, just a week earlier).  She never talks like that.  She needs more pot in her life to loosen her snatch up and be a little freer in conversation.  Zazzy keeps grabbing at her tummy and her ass, and she keeps slapping him away.

The scene in Henry and June where June and Anaïs rent a pair of hookers and watch them fuck is intimidating.  Its very sexy, without showing too much.  Mazzy asks me "Ever been with two women?"  Of course.  I lived with two women roommates, and we fucked constantly.  Sometimes one, sometimes the other, sometimes all three in my California King that I had at the time.  Mazzy's eyes widen and asked, "Did you like it?"  It's a lot of work.  I'd prefer to try to guys and a gal, really.  Mazzy looks at Zazzy and they both laugh.  "You never know," she says.

We smoke some more, and then do a round of chilled vodka shots from their freezer.  I'm really toasted, and I'm getting a bit hot watching Zaz snipe at Mazzy's tits through her shirt.  I guess he responds the same way.

The movie is over, and all of a sudden, Mazzy is kissing Zazzy on the couch.  I stand up to take my leave when Zaz says "Wait.  Want to try it tonight?"  I look at Mazzy and she turns around (mounted on his lap) and nods to me.  My cock responds in my pants and tells her yes, and she notices.  She gets off of Zaz's lap and staps up and grabs my hand.  I pull her to me and kiss her and her tongue enters my mouth.  I look up, and see Zaz stroking his own cock through his jeans.  I guess he's not going to get jealous.  Mazzy walks me to their room, and Zaz puts out the lights and candles and finishes off the joint while her and I are kissing against her bedroom wall.  "He fucked another woman."  I nod, looking into her stoned eyes.  "I told him I needed revenge."  I nod again.  "Are you ok with this?"  I'll still be your friend afterwards.  There's no pretense it will happen again, if it happens at all.  She cups my cock and says "It better happen.  We need this to move forward."

It's true, actually.  Cheaters can stop, but the one cheated on will always wonder why it happened, and then they'll wonder why they didn't get the chance, either.  A threesome is a nice way to put it to bed, literally.

Zazzy comes in.  "You're not fucking my wife yet?  What, are you gay?"  No, and don't even think of sticking your little Irish cock anywhere near me.  He laughs.  She laughs, too.  "I hope you don't go both ways."  I don't, and I can't imagine a situation I would.  I tell her for George Clooney, maybe.  "I'd let him fuck Zaz in the ass, but it ends at him.  Or John Cougar Mellencamp, maybe."  She kisses me again, and Zaz pushes her into me and grabs her ass.  She's moaning, and all of a sudden this mom-haired little woman is turning into quite the tiger.

"So you're going to fuck my wife."  I will.  "And I'm going to watch."  No, you'll be involved.  Do you have condoms?  They show me what they have, and I tell them I'll be right back.  I run to the car, my cock straining against my jeans, and grab my own condoms that I prefer.  "I'm on the pill," she tells me.  I tell her that's great for him, but my come stays inside of the condom.  "Oh.  I was hoping for..." or on your body.  Then she grins.  She takes my hand and his hand and sits down in the bed.

Zaz is out of his clothes in 5 minutes.  I'm still fully dressed but Maz took my zipper down.  I was wrong about Zaz's dick, it's not a tiny Irish dick at all.  He's got the long and skinny dick, I've got the average length but thicker cock.  Maz is going to have her mind blown today, if she doesn't pass out from pot and wine and vodka.  From the way she's giving her husband head, I doubt she would.  I remove her shirt by unbuttoning it and sliding it off her arms while she's kneeled in front of her husband.  He's got himself all the way in her throat, so I grab her hair hard and show her how to mouth fuck him properly.  He doesn't last, unleashing all his come down her throat.  She gags a bit but doesn't miss a drop.  "It's been awhile since you did that" she says to her, almost ignoring the fact that I removed her bra and started to rub her back, kneeled behind her.

"Ohh, that's good" she says, ignoring his snide comment.  You don't blow him often, do you?  "Never.  It's... hard to."  I know.  Let's change that.  She drinks some water from an Evian bottle at their bedside, washing down the remnants of his come from her mouth.  "I hate the taste, too."  Well, he does fill himself with potatoes and gravy and all sorts of horrible food that makes his spooge taste like bleach and salt.  Gross, indeed.

She's kissing me now, standing, while he removes her pants.  I sit on the bed and she unbuckles my belt.  She naked, bent over the bed to kiss me as I lay back.  Zaz enters her pussy and she moans.  Her and I are kissing, her mouth on my face and my nipples and shoulders.  I pull her hair up to me and we kiss, her mouth bouncing up to my nose as her husband keeps pounding into her.  Her moans soften as he loses his rhythm too often.  He stops a few times, then starts again.  "You're going to fuck me properly, aren't you?" she whispers to me between passionate kisses.  I nod and she kisses me again.  Don't let him come in you, I tell her.  She nods back.

He's pounding away, moaning and grabbing her hips and tries to grab her tits from behind.  I push his hands away and slide down a bit so I can lick the spot between her tits, her neckbone, her shoulders.  She has my pants off and is playing with my cock, pulling it out of my boxers.  "Oh, it's so nice.  Can I suck it?"  Once you finish him off in your mouth again.

He's starting to get really uneven in his forceful pumps.  "I'm going to do it in your pussy, you whore" he yells.  We stop kissing, I nod, and she swings around and on her knees as he starts to come.  It's not very forceful, his cock aimed at her mouth but it dribbles out onto her tits and some on the floor.  She takes it in her mouth and sucks the rest down.  Poor guy is beat, so he falls to his knees and a little backwards, preventing a complete collapse using his elbows.  "Fuck," is all he can say.  She grabs a towel from the side of the bed and wipes herself up, and tries to clean up the carpet.

He's breathing deep, but has enough energy to ask me, "Are you going to fuck my wife yet?"  We both are.  "I can't again.  Two is enough."  Trust me, you're going to fuck her again.  My shirt is now off, and she's on her knees, pulling my boxers down.  She takes another few gulps of her Evian, and then she engulfs my cock in her mouth.  She gags, twice.  "Ugh, that's a bit thicker than Zaz's."  I grab her neck and pull her mouth back onto my cock.  Gag again.  "I don't think I can get it in my throat."  You will.  I pull her again, and she gets it in this time.  She's got her tongue on the bottom of my cock, rolling back and forth, while her head is bobbing.  I'm in her throat and it feels fantastic.  She pulls off.  "Is it safe to swallow you?"  You won't.  I pull her up and onto the bed and spread her legs while I kneel on the floor.  Kiss my woman, Zaz.  "Your woman?"  Just do it or I won't fuck her and you'll have to again.   So he crawls up on the bed and kisses his wife.

I tease her body, her thighs, her knees and ankles.  I suck on her toes and press down on her foot arches, causing her to moan.  I spend a good 15 minutes tasting every part of her body, from her navel to her hips to her shoulder.  They continue to kiss but I can tell Zaz keeps watching, entralled at how I dance my tease across her body.  "Just fuck her already."  

I get up, grab my bag and get a cigarette.  I smoke it while I stroke my cock.  "Do you want me to suck you again?" Maz asks.  "No," I say, exhaling.  Just sit there and kiss your husband.  Play with your clit a bit.  She does.

I finish my cigarette and put it into her 1/4 full bottle of Evian to douse it.  I kneel again at her and take her finger out of her wet pussy and into my mouth.  She tastes sour, probably not eating the best diet herself.  Not horrible, but not close to decent tasting.  She moans when I do, and I put my face into her pussy and lick at her lips.  She's wet, really wet.  She moans as I thrust my tongue into her pussy, and then lick her asshole.  "Ohh, yes."  She likes it in her ass, I can tell.  I get up and ask her if she lets Zaz fuck her ass ever.  "No, he asks."  I look at him and he nods.  You should.  Not tonight, but you should.  You'd come like no tomorrow with his cock up your ass and your vibrator in your cunt.  Her eyes widen at my vulgarity, but she smiles.  "Maybe."  I tell her she should, and soon.

I go back to her pussy, and her clit is completely exposed, throbbing against the heat of my mouth.  I engulf her large clit into my lips and suck gently, licking gently.  Her hips are rocking so I pull up.  "Noo, don't stop."  I tell Zaz to hold her hips down so she can't move.  He straddles her, his cock on her belly, holding her hips down.  Lick his ass at least, Maz.  She does and he moans, his spent dick getting slightly hard.

I go back to eating her pussy and she's moaning and trying to writhe but his strong arms prevent it.  A little restricting of a woman's movement can really set her off.  It doesn't take her 5 minutes to come, her pussy juices covering my beard and my mouth.  "Ohh god that was what I needed."  I move up to her and tell Zaz to get off of her.  I fly up between her legs and kiss her, letting her taste her own come and juices from my mouth.  "Fuck my wife, Sane.  Make her a whore for me."  I back off, grab my condoms, and place one on.  "Stick that limp dick in her mouth." His not-so-limp dick is back in her mouth, and I penetrate her, not very hard.  Instead, I slam into her gently, softly, while she sucks her husband's growing cock.  As I slam into her, I feel her body respond to various intrusions.  I put my hands on her hips and find a rhythm that she likes.  She moans, her husbands cock down her throat.  He moans too.

As I pummel her pussy at the right pressure, the right depth, pulling out the right length, and grabbing her hips with the right pressure, she starts to tighten up.  Will you come for me, whore? "Ohhh."  Will you come with another man's cock in your wet cunt?  "Ohh, yes."  I keep at it, pounding just perfectly it seems while Zaz's cock is stuck in her throat.  Her moans are cut short by it.  I keep pounding, and she starts to come, her hands grabbing at my stomach and hips.  She comes hard, and I keep pounding.  Even after she comes, her pussy is wet and open and her clit is still looking like it can handle some more.  So I don't stop.  Another 10 minutes of pounding and Zaz is smacking his wife in the face with his now hard cock.  She's moaning and swearing and staring at me with huge eyes.  "God, fuck me with that cock of yours.  Fuck me, I need it."  I do.  I feel myself getting close and close my eyes.  "Are you going to come in my wife, you cheating bastard?"  Zaz asks me.  Yes.   "Ohh, please come in my pussy."  I keep slamming, and I bite my bottom lip a bit.  She's watching me, and this gets her off again.  "ohh, fuck, I'm coming again, god damn it fuck me don't stop.  fuck me and come in me."  I do.  I keep slamming, waiting for her full release.  I collapse on her tits, Zaz's cock inches from my own face on his wife's cheek.

My cock is in her, in my condom, still hard.  "Did you finish?" she asks between pants.   Yes.  "You're still hard."  I am.  "You can keep going, I think I can handle it."  Just get on your knees and close your eyes.  She listens.  Zaz, get over there and jerk off on her face.  He stands up on the ground and listens.  I take the condom and pour my come out of it into her open mouth.  Don't swallow it.  It rolls off her tongue, down her chin and onto her tits.  She spits the rest out, letting it slide down onto her body.  "Are you both going to come for me?"  We will.  Zaz jerks off with a weird circular twist.  I spit on my hands and stroke slowly.

He's watching his wife, on her knees, my come on her chin and her tits, and he's close.  I'm not, but I can time it better.  When the first shot of his come leaves his dick, it barely comes out.  Poor guy has nothing left.  He gives her a little on her tits, and then he falls on the bed.

I rip her hair from her bangs and aim my cock at her tits.  My first load hits her extra hard, almost to her neck bone.  Another one hits her shoulder and the bed next to her, almost on Zaz's knee bent over the side.  He's trying to watch, but he's beat.  She takes my cock into her mouth, my come still in her, and she starts to suck me off, taking my third load, my fourth load, my fifth load.  She gags as I shove my cock back into her throat and coughs up some of my come onto my pubic hair.  "God, you taste like.." like what?  "I don't know, but it's different."  We both look at Zaz and he's practically passed out.  Maz steps up, my come still on her tits, mixed in with her husband's come.  I help her into bed and she spoons against him.  "Do you want to sleep with us tonight?"  I don't.  It sounds nice, but in the morning you should be together.  Now you've gotten what you wanted, you can forgive him.  "I needed this."  I'm glad.  "Are you going to be uncomfortable?"  Never.  "We probably won't do it again."  I'm fine with that.  "I'd like to, but he'd get jealous."  I look at him and he's completely passed out.  I understand.  I liked it, too, but it's a one time thing.  She nods and looks at my cock, still semi-hard.  "Do you want to fuck me again, while he sleeps?"  I nodded yes.

She cleaned herself off, and I fucked her one last time, slowly and passionately.  We kissed, and he slept through the whole thing.  She brought me close while she was on top, and when I came she removed my condom and swallowed me one last time.  He never woke up.  We kissed again, and I dressed and left.

We're still friends.  They've told only a select few people about it, but I'm fairly certain they've never repeated it.  We don't talk about it unless we're really drunk.  I won't get stoned in front of them again, I don't want a repeat.  Was it lovemaking?  No.  Was it sex?  Yes.  Was it needed?  Probably by both.  It brought some fairness to his error in judgement.  It gave her an amazing orgasm and a great fuck that she needed.  I wish I gave her another orgasm when I was inside of her, but it wasn't to be.  She has her man, she has her cock, she has comfort and balance.  It was a good night, and I won't soon forget it.


Andy said...

Plus, to put things vulgarly, women have more than 1 hole, while men only have 1 plug. ;)

I'm a perv. I know.

Amy said...

Andy, you could never be a perv. Just a tad lascivious ;)


arianne said...

I don't mean to interrupt your blogging endevours by commenting on a post I know nothing about...
But I wanted to thank you for the attention you've been paying my blog. I don't have a clue who you are, but I appretiate it nevertheless. What you say encourages me.

Anonymous said...

Dude, you are the shit for more reasons than I can count.