Friday, May 22, 2009

Definition: Enty (Enties)

The Enty is almost always a woman, usually one with an aggressive behavior. I came up with the term "Enty" about 20 years ago when I was stuck on coming up with funny sentences based on word spellings.

I had a girlfriend at the time (I was in my teens, she was 20) and she was a real bitchfest of drama. I have no idea why I stayed with her, she was bitchy, PMSy constantly, and loved to blow things way out of proportion. Most items she moaned about were not even important: "Why did you leave your closet light on this morning? Don't you know it kills people!" or "I really don't like rye bread" So why did you order it? "I don't want to make a fuss." Then she'd moan about the rye bread she ate for the entire day.

After about 4 months of dating, I had enough. I didn't really like her, and every moment I spent with her I found her less and less attractive. I had decided to break up with her that weekend, and worked hard not to make any plans with her. This made her even more bitchy, which was almost a positive side effect. "Movies?" I'm not sure. "Dinner?" We'll see. "Come over to my place?" If there's time.

Friday rolled around and I hopped over to her place. She was bitching to me the night earlier on the phone about how we didn't make any plans. This taught me how to be adaptable, so I learned at least one positive thing from the short term relationship. When I was in her place, she nagged at me for clashing my shoes with my belt. Yes, mother.

I never argued with her, I never fought back. There's no purpose, it's useless. I'd just nod, not really agreeing with her verbally. Eventually she calmed down.

I think this relationship is getting worse by the day. "What do you mean, worse?" I don't think we should be seeing each other. "Am I ugly? Fat? Boring?" I wanted to say yes, yes, yes but the fact was that she was none of these things, not in reality. In my mind, she was all of them. We just don't click when it comes to managing our feelings. "That's because you're cold!" I had just had a bad week 2 weeks ago, and almost had reduced myself to tears. When she saw it, she said "Don't be a baby."

So she ranted about why I was wrong, why we were fine, why things were only getting better (mostly because she taught me to shut my trap and I never talked, ever). I listened. Then I said I appreciated her thoughts, but I wasn't happy and it was obvious that she wasn't happy either (this part was a lie, but it worked). She thought about it and asked if we'd be friends. I said maybe, but not right away. In reality, we were never friends again until many years later, after she took a poor sap of a husband and introduced me to some of her gal pals (who generally hated her, but put up with it).

We hugged. She cried a little bit. I told her she's beautiful and the right guy will come along, and I'm glad she understood. I was a little sad myself, but I can't think to this day of WHY I was sad. It wasn't that serious, and I didn't like her much. Maybe it was because she was pretty (I don't fall into that trap again!).

As I turned to leave, she said "See you around, Sane." I repled "See you, Enty."

She never got it.

Now, whenever I meet a woman who is a bitch of a woman, I'll call her Enty to my friends. I know two women who are roommates, and they're horrid people. I call them the Enties.

For those who don't understand, highlight below the lines:

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See You, Enty = C U N T
See You, Enties = C U N Ts

Get it, now?

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So be it.  It works for me.

4 comments:

MindfulMama said...

Ahhh. Clever. Have you ever seen the Vagina Monologues?

The Dumbest Smart Girl You Know said...

LoL Good one!

Tessa said...

Here, that works as 'See you next Tuesday'.

Mia Barista said...

Can't wait for more derogatory words aimed towards females. Sarc.