Monday, May 25, 2009

Sane's List of Predicaments, Item #2: Fake Spooning

The Stace decided to call me this afternoon. I've been praying for a distraction for 2 days now, but I'm not sure there is on person in my life that would know how. Tuesday (tomorrow) I visit another horse for lease. A big one. But the weather looks crappy. Indoor training area is not the same as birds, cars zipping by, and other noises to see if the horse is easily distracted. An ex-racer gelding of supreme height, I hope it's a fit.

She called, for I believe the first time ever. I can't recall if I gave her my number. I did call her once. But it's all over the Internet, so looking me up is easy. I've had the same cell phone number for 13 years. No one who wants to keep in touch has an excuse not to.

I answered. "Hi, Sane?" Good afternoon, Stace. "Just seeing how you are." I'm good, you? "You're always good. I'm fine. Work is hectic lately. Long weekend, and I guess I find myself bored today." I'm a bit bored myself, hard to make plans when all my friends are hungover. "Want to get together this week?"

Hmm. I considered it. We had really, really, really good sex. She's gorgeous. Great body, amazing mouth, tits a guy like me could die for. She finds me attractive and said so, twice.

I'm not sure getting together is a good idea. "I've thought about you lately. Well, since that night." There's not much to think about, you don't even know me, really. "That's why I've been thinking about you. You say you're an open book, but I don't really know much of anything." Google me, it's all out there. "I did. Geez, you have stuff online going back to the late 80s. Was the Internet around back then?" You were probably 3 years old then. I've been around a lot. "I'd say. Are you seeing anyone?" There are some opportunities. If they're interested. "So that's no. Ralph's left me alone since we hung out." That's good. You need your space.

I didn't ask her if she's seeing anyone. She should be. At her age, long term relationships can lead to BAD rebounds. She needs to flex her independence. I told her so. "I am independent. I just wouldn't mind more guys who hear me and see me for who I am." It's not hard. Get away from what you typically like. You'll be surprised. "I've dated. I'm not surprised." Date different. "So you really don't want to hang out?" I do, but I don't see it working out. You have a fantasy about me that isn't real. I'm just a normal, boring, average guy. You deserve much better. "We can just get coffee." I don't think you and I can ever just get coffee. "Ok. Call me sometime." I might do just that. "Bye. Hope things are OK." They are. Thanks for calling.

I need a distraction something fierce. I real distraction, not just virtual stuff. I love the virtual stuff, and I'm making headway into some real friendships, but the face-time is something I need more of. So instead of waiting for my friends to get back into town, I'm going to write. I'm going to write 20, 30 articles to post at a future date.

This is one of them.

Oh how I love a woman in my bed. Who doesn't? She's there because she wants to be there. It's comfortable, we're both worn out, and we're just lazy enough to stay where we are.

Post-sex, I'm into the spooning. Not because I love you, not because I need you, not because I want you; it's just a great end to all the writhing, pumping, hair pulling, teeth grinding, surprised-eyes, oops-theres-spooge-on-your-ear night of frisky behavior.

Here's the problem: spooning for me is very, very temporary. I have a BIG bed (king sized) in a small room. I love my space in bed. I tend to sleep off to one side of the bed so I can kick one naked leg out from under the covers and over the side. That gives me room to stretch my other leg way out, my arm way out, and my cat can still take her own space.

When a lover stays over, I will usually spoon until she's asleep, and then roll over to my side and stay there all night. If she's one of those types that prefers waking up in my arms, I'll respoon before she gets up. It's a bit of arcane wizardry or trickery, how I know when someone else will wake up and be up and in position before they do. Sometimes it's having coffee ready, other times it might be me sneaking out of my own place to give her some personal space after.

I know some women love the all night spoon, but it's not me. I wish it was, really. I'm not anti-you, I'm glad you're here and that we combined bodies for a few hours. It's not your body, it's not your heart, I just love my place and my space. I once had a lover who used to spoon me and I could never sleep. I need a little room (read: a LOT) and even when I'm solo my king size isn't enough. This is a reason why threesomes usually end up with me hitting the road. 1 person in a king size is almost too much, 2 people can get entangling, and 3 people? Forget it. Unless they're munchkin sized and sleep at the foot of the bed horizontally. Maybe even then it won't work.

I've been called out on my spooning trickery. "I woke up to get water at night and you were way over there. What's wrong?" It's not that I don't like you or Little Fire Hydrant wouldn't be putting out your fire inside. It's not that I am selfish (wait, I am) or hate the touch of a woman. I just like to open my own body up to the open air or my own blanket and not get sweaty and restricted when I sleep.

It's ok, though. If you come over when I get my bed back, you can take the bed and I'll hit the couch. That way we both get what we want: during the passionate moments, and after. Unless you're a full-night-spooner, then we'll have to talk.


MindfulMama said...

I guess I am not really understanding WHY you wouldn't want to get together with her. Actually seems a bit weird and cruel to me, but maybe that's just me.

ChicagoSane said...


1. Out of a VERY long term relationship that she's still not settled into individuality enough,

2. She's girlfriend material, not F-W-B or FB material (I can't do girlfriend right now),

3. She's a little TOO busy for even a bloke like me, who is already busy,

4. She's seeing something in me that isn't real and I don't know how to break someone of that.

I considered it. If not just for the sex, but she needs more than that. We had a fun night, we both got something we really needed. I don't know if there's room in my life for what she needs specifically. I wish it were the case, but I can neither be a boyfriend, nor one of 10 lovers if she goes that way.

MindfulMama said...

Fair enough. Your post leads me to believe that you did not explain any of that TO her. Am I misunderstanding? That's why I said it's cruel. I would rather have it laid out there with honesty than to feel rejected without knowing why. I hope you were up front :-(

Would love to hear more on why you can't be a boyfriend. You seem like you could use the love these days.

Ms. Mandy said...

ick. you got to be careful on that one. Too many people build things up in there head. Espcecially (and I don't mean this derogatory to Sane) Where he builds up his persona, that he's really getting a girl that likes him...and not a girl that likes what they think he is. They will both end up disappointed when reality kicks in. I think he should keep it a one night stand like he did. It is a nice memory that would be destroyed if taken further

Amy said...

I can't get over the 'Little Fire Hydrant' ;P. Possible the best penis nickname I've ever heard.