Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Don't touch her, don''t touch her!

I was reading a blog I follow about a first date.  Over at BigTimeFancy, Joy writes in her article titled Date the following:

Things that were not a serious plus? He was a lot more into me than I was into him. And he was overly touchy. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m a tactile person. If I like you, I will find reasons to touch you ALL THE TIME – but subtly. This kid…not so subtle, and immediately touchy. So I was ultra un-touchy because it was a little uncomfortable, however unintentional it may have been.

Here's a clue, guys:  don't touch women.  You've been duped by Hollywood and your women friends to think that it is EVER ok to touch a woman.  Even if a woman obviously WANTS you to touch her, don't.  This rule is one of my most stringent ones.  Even I fight it sometimes and think about breaking it.  But I don't.

A woman who likes you, who is interested in you, who finds you attractive and even sexy wants to feel your body.  She wants that spark from a touch.  But women are wired in a weird way: if you're the one touching her, it's a turn-off.  It's almost always a guaranteed way to put a stop to future dates.

If I go out on a first date and the woman doesn't touch me in some way, I won't call for a second.  Either she's not into me enough or she has issues.  Both are reasons I'll shoot an otherwise great woman down.  The touches can be playful: touching my arm when she laughs, touching my back when we walk, grabbing my arm when we walk, touching my face when I say something adorable or cute.  Those touches are my #1 sign to kiss a girl goodnight.

If you don't touch a woman you like, there's an added side effect, a mind game if you would: she'll wonder WHY you aren't touching her.  She wants your touch, but if you do it, she loses interest.  If you don't do it, she gains interest.  It's almost forbidden fruit that sounds like a "damned if you do, damned if you don't" sort of game.  But if you resist the urge to touch her, you're not damned at all.  You're setting her up to be more interested in your body, and it's a powerful weapon we men have over all the mindgames women play without realizing it.

When is it OK to touch a woman?  When she initiates it.  No, not when she's all touchy feely on you, but when she actively puts your hand on her body.  I've had this happen over and over and over again, and many women will say they don't do that.  When they can't resist your touch anymore, they'll find a way to do it.  Even in bed I am careful not to touch the most likely areas of a woman's body.  This increases their desire for me in bed, too.

Touch is your enemy.  Stop doing it.  Let her touch you, and if she doesn't, throw her number in the trash and move on.  If she tries to make you touch her, follow through but don't overdo it.  Let her keep coming back.  This is good for the woman, it makes her more crazy for you to touch her.  It's a great cycle, and one you can actually utilize even into marriage and old age.


Aritza, Goddess of .. said...

Uhm .. sure it'll drive a woman insanely mad .. but is that really what you want ? A crazy woman ?

I say your advice is partly good and justified .. but after dating a while, the touching and initiating has to come equally from both parties :o)

I'm all for spliting things half-way, always, including the bills.

ChicagoSane said...

Over time, I agree that a man should introduce more touching (I even recommended it in other posts).

But initially, it is so important to get a good judgement of a woman's desire for you (not necessarily sexually!). If you do things to screw it up early on, you may never find out that there was a good match.

Thanks for your comment.

Andy said...

It's all about the hide and seek with women, right?

Men say we are complicated but once they learn the tricks, we're not that hard to decipher.