Sunday, May 24, 2009

Weekend away from Sane's, Part I

Is it Sunday afternoon? Geez, the weekend flew by.

Friday...
Up EARLY for work (I cut payroll). No one wanted to work so I let everyone off at 11.

Had an amazing lunch (French bistro - Cyrano's), 4 course meal. Found a lovely lady who was free, so we had lunch, chatted, made promises to hang out more, and cut bait. She's very pretty, but sadly has no eyes for me, so it ended with a hug. I am starting to realize that I have way too many cute/pretty/hot single female friends. Summer will be time to cut about half of them out of my life. I have enough lunch buddies, losing a few who are uninterested in an afternoon smoochfest is probably wise and will cost me very little in terms of viable friends to chill with.

Got the car washed (inside, not out). Need a good wax job, put it on the list and made an appointment for Wednesday. We'll see if I remember it.

Rounding up to 3pm, tried to find anyone who was in town to do something with. Texted about 30 people, 26 of them were out of town. Ugh. Made plans with another gal pal to help her with errands later (dog walking) around 7pm.

Hit Whole Foods to pick up ingredients to make a friend a cashew and maple cheesecake. Also had to buy a cheesecake pan because mine was bashed out of shape. Unfortunate.

Around 4pm, driving around town, I noticed SO many cute and happy couples. Had a minute of the lonely-twinge, but it passed. It comes mostly in spring, which is why it makes sense for me to stay out of the sack with anyone just in case I accidentally create a long term relationship when neither of us are ready.

I have an email address dedicated to items I ship or that are shipped to me. It beeped, reminding me of a FedEx overnight delivery coming: my new voiceover mic. My neighbor was going to sign for it, but he texted me to let me know he was leaving for 4 days at 6pm. That means traffic. On a holiday weekend. I drove, slowly, back to the house.

Hung out at the house and tried to finalize plans, but most of my douchebag friends are broke. One gal who I am sort of interested in texted me to see if we were hanging out. I texted back, asking if it was just us. "Group thing." I don't do group dates, sorry. I texted her back that we'd touch base another time. I doubt she'll text again. Thanks, but no thanks.

Banged on my neighbor's door for 2 hours or so. He was asleep. I had to be at the dog walking friend's place at 7pm, and it was inching on 6pm. Her place is 15 minutes away with no traffic, but on a holiday weekend the Kennedy can be horrific. He finally stumbles away at 6:20, I grab my mic, quickly open the box to stare at it. I contemplate blowing off the dogwalker, but I'd rather walk some dogs with a cute gal than sit and talk to myself in one of my 47 voices. Trust me, neighbors have thought I had big parties when it was just me.

Hit the road close to 6:30, with a deadline of 7pm. I really, really like to be on time. I texted the gal and made a case for breaking the law. Yes, I drive on the shoulder on the highway. I'm that asshole.

Pull up to within a block of the destination she gave me (an intersection) and texted her where to park. She gave me a vague area to park in. I zipped into the spot and arrived at 7:04pm or so. Not too late. She was going to walk the dogs toward me, so I wanted at the corner.

5 minutes later, here comes a little package of power with 3 huge dogs. We chatted, I grabbed 2 of them (the older ones) and we wandered her area for quite awhile. I love dogs, and dogs usually love (and listen to) me. My next girlfriend will have a roommate with dogs. Preferably not her, so we can travel on a whim, but a roommate with dogs is a great idea.

My Hollywood voiceover and hockey announcer voice kicks in for some strange reason. I'm having fun, we're being goofy. It's an eccentricity of me; I have no actual normal voice. She laughs at me using the word "poopie" in hockey announcer voice. Laughter from a lady is always a way to cheer me up.

We finish our walk and she drops me off at my car (knowing which one it is because I mentioned the color). She wanders off with the 3 pooches, and I storm off in a hurry to nowhere. Boredom sets in very quickly. A little earlier my two gayest friends said they want to go dancing. I concur. Around 9:30 I get to one of my gal pal's houses in the Pilsen district to grab her. She's VERY sexy, but alas I don't find her attractive. She's propositioned me a few times for a sleep over, but I'm not into her body or face that much. She is sexy as hell, just not my type of sexy. She wants to go dancing, so we high-tail it to the House of Two Gays.

I pulled out $500 from my ATM just in case the night gets crazy. 4 of us in a car heading to Polish town. We arrive at a huge dance club packed with gorgeous European women and their fivehead boyfriends. Yum and gross, combined.

I buy a bottle of Belvedere for our table which is very quickly sucked down by the 4some. $250 gone. Waitress smooches me for the tip (ugh), and we leave the table for another party because we're off dancing.

My gay friend Miguel steals my cell phone and sends some tweets out. Then he texts practically every girl in my phone "Let's fuck." Saturday is basically a day of turning down those who said "Ok" and explaining to my MOTHER what that text meant. Oh, my sister, my cousin, one of my clients, and a few girls I was actually interested in brutalizing (in a way they want me to). Scratch that.

We were VERY hammered. My gal pal meets a guy who is absolutely disgusting looking in every way. I say nothing, and she says "He's hot. I'm going home with him." He was NOT hot, but I have better taste in men than most single women in their 20s do. The guy was an obvious basket case, 3 of his credit cards getting declined for $14 worth of drinks. They leave.

My gay friends also meet their own boys and leave. I'm drunkish, but not wasted. I call a cab and tell him to bring a pal. They drive me, and my car, home. The cab stand is literally 3 blocks from my apartment anyway.

3am, off to bed. Chat with some friends before I do, and realize I REALLY need to meet someone fantastic for this summer. Being single SUCKS. Hooking up SUCKS MORE. I'd love a friends-with-benefits that I can also spoil on my weekly shopping sprees. not a sugar baby, just a friend who likes pretty things. Will have to put my mind to it soon, it's becoming a shitty spring in terms of makeout sessions and the backlog from the Condom of the Month club (kidding about that).

More on Saturday in Part II.

10 comments:

Andy said...

I'm surprised you haven't got one already. What women doesn't like to be spoiled like that?

Mia Barista said...

Funny that you're "cutting" the female "friends" that aren't giving it up to you. Clearly, you only see people as worthwhile if you're boning them.

Are any of these people truly your FRIENDS (my definition: quality people you actually care to invest time and energy on), or simply potential or past (or both?) hook-ups? If these people meant anything to you, you wouldn't "cut" them out of your life just because they won't make out with you or because you have enough pretty/sexy/cute/female friends and there's no room on the roster for any more.

I feel ridiculous for giving you an ounce of my time. I hope you'll understand when I unsubscribe from your blog. If you want to know why (though I think I was pretty clear), then just ask.

ChicagoSane said...

Funny that you're "cutting" the female "friends" that aren't giving it up to you. Clearly, you only see people as worthwhile if you're boning them.Not at all. I don't see the point of one-way relationships. Ever.

It's not if they're boning me, but if they're ADDING to my life by meeting my needs. If all we do is hang out and I hear them whine and that's that, what's the point? I don't want to bone a whiner anyway.

Sometimes, they want to go out. So we go out. And within 20 minutes, they're gone. What a waste of my time.

Other situations, they'll pretty much be there for my connections. Again, waste of my time.

I don't want SEX from them, I want SOMETHING in return. One-direction relationships are ridiculous.


Are any of these people truly your FRIENDS (my definition: quality people you actually care to invest time and energy on), or simply potential or past (or both?) hook-ups?I don't have potential hookups. I know within minutes of meeting someone if I care to accept a future proposition or not. I would say that anyone I deem a "friend" is someone I will never sleep with. But when the relationship turns sour because they abuse the friendship I offer by not giving anything bad (read: NOT SEX), then it's time to cut and run.


If these people meant anything to you, you wouldn't "cut" them out of your life just because they won't make out with you or because you have enough pretty/sexy/cute/female friends and there's no room on the roster for any more.So you'd keep dead weight around? It isn't that they won't make out with me, I'm sorry you read it that way. They're just useless, not meeting any single need of mine (which go far beyond sex, mind you).


I feel ridiculous for giving you an ounce of my time. I hope you'll understand when I unsubscribe from your blog. If you want to know why (though I think I was pretty clear), then just ask.You're welcome to leave. If you prefer, I won't comment on your blog, either. I have no problem, and I'm glad you posted this clearly on my comments because I get similar emails. I just shrug, because not everyone can handle my lifestyle, and I don't want to push it on anyone.

Mia Barista said...

Look, I posted on your blog because I don't have your e-mail. I'm not a public drama-maker and a private note would not have been any harsher, just know that. I'm just saying how I feel.

Since you're quoting me, I'll follow suit.

"She's very pretty, but sadly has no eyes for me, so it ended with a hug. I am starting to realize that I have way too many cute/pretty/hot single female friends. Summer will be time to cut about half of them out of my life. I have enough lunch buddies, losing a few who are uninterested in an afternoon smoochfest is probably wise and will cost me very little in terms of viable friends to chill with."

Where does it say this woman is trying to get something from you or whine? Where does it say she's a taker and not a giver? All is says is that she won't bone you. You'll understand, I hope, why I drew the conclusions that I did from your very words.

"I don't want SEX from them, I want SOMETHING in return. One-direction relationships are ridiculous."

You haven't really given them any other option. What do you actually value in a friend? What could a friend give you (besides sex) that would make the relationship a two-way street? Why did you ditch the first female in the post who wasn't interested in you sexually, yet stay friends with the second female in the post who wants to bone you, even though you don't want her? Is it an ego stroke (honest question, not rhetorical)? You didn't mention either of them whining or using you, so what's the difference? I'm just wondering where you draw the line.

ChicagoSane said...

Look, I posted on your blog because I don't have your e-mail. I'm not a public drama-maker and a private note would not have been any harsher, just know that. I'm just saying how I feel.My email address is on the right sidebar of the main section. But I prefer it to be public, in reality.

Where does it say this woman is trying to get something from you or whine? Where does it say she's a taker and not a giver? All is says is that she won't bone you. You'll understand, I hope, why I drew the conclusions that I did from your very words.You're right, I should have written "who aren't interested in at least an afternoon smoochfest or possibly something more fun than me listening to them bitch about this year's Tall Handsome Yale Man #7." I write passionately, and should have opted to include more than smooching. In all honesty, THIS particular woman is good for only that, it seems, because she has nothing else to offer me. So in this case, you're right.


You haven't really given them any other option. What do you actually value in a friend?Touché. What I value is someone who has some ability to fulfill a need of mine. Of my 7 closest friends (who I see at least once a month), 6 are women. 5 I haven't slept with and don't plan on sleeping with.

But of my friends who aren't super close, some treat me like a dog instead of a friend. In that case, they should get a dog instead. I'm good about cutting the dead weight from my life, I just haven't done it in awhile.


What could a friend give you (besides sex) that would make the relationship a two-way street?Tons. First of all, friendship. Actual friendship where we do something together. Visit the museums I like, travel, ride horses, shoot guns, visit restaurants for me to review, be my wingman once in awhile instead of always vice versa, see movies, read books and discuss, help me with my hobbies instead of vice versa. There's a LOT of room for friends in my life, real friends. Sadly, some take advantage of me, as they do of other men in their lives. Dead weight. Typical entitled female American crap.


Why did you ditch the first female in the post who wasn't interested in you sexually, yet stay friends with the second female in the post who wants to bone you, even though you don't want her?That's coincidental.

The second one actually DOES something with me. We went out and she didn't eyeball for Sexy Indebted Loser until the end of the night. We had fun. We danced, we talked, we people watched. She's valuable. The first girl, no value. Not to me, and probably not to anyone based on the speed at which she goes through the same crap month-to-month.



Is it an ego stroke (honest question, not rhetorical)? You didn't mention either of them whining or using you, so what's the difference? I'm just wondering where you draw the line.That's a good question.

It's not an ego stroke, my ego is fine on its own. There's a difference between whining to me and having me listen.

If a woman (or a man) talks to me about the same problem, over and over, it's obvious they're not making a change. They just want attention. I have enough of those types of people. Go play your little games in the sports bars and live life in boredom.

I like EXCITING people. I meet some, here and there. But if they have a problem, I want to listen. If they want advice, I want to advise. If there is a need of theirs they need fulfilled that I can fulfill, and they can fulfill a need of mine, I'll go that route.

But if they come back again and again and again with the same whiny petty bullshit, it's time that they're history.

Friendship is a two way street. I have many needs that can be fulfilled, but don't necessarily HAVE to be fulfilled. I'm an open book, yet few people ask about me. That's fine, because I move on quickly from them. Their loss, not mine.

ChicagoSane said...

Mia, I should also say that I appreciate these questions, and would hate to see you leave. It's nice to have a verbal nemesis, and I do like your writing and way of thinking :)

Mia Barista said...

Aww of course I'm right (not always true, but when there's a chance I might be wrong, I just don't say anything about it [unless drunk, different story]).

Those were very nice things of you to say, Sane. Sadly, your e-mail address does not appear on the right side of your blog, or I'd spare the readers all this mushiness and, prior to that, my hot-headed BS. If you put it on there, I'll know where to direct the verbal nemesis within.

Mia Barista said...

And THANK YOU for taking the time to write that clarification.

ChicagoSane said...

Sure, thanks for calling me out on missing items.

My editor would have noticed right away, but sadly he is unaware of this blog.

I fixed the sidebar, thanks! Not sure how long it was broken for, argh.

Ms. Mandy said...

O.M.G!

THAT was the funniest dialog between to confused people that I've read in a long time! (Mia & Sane) You two should do that more often! lol

And all I have to say to that is actually to respond to Andy's comment:

"I'm surprised you haven't got one already. What women doesn't like to be spoiled like that?"

Now I don't know what type of women 'doesn't like to be spoiled like that', but I sure know what type of girl that would be with him just for that:

SUPERFICIAL GOLD DIGGING WHORES THAT HAVE NOTHING BETTER GOING FOR THEM.