Sunday, May 24, 2009

How I spoil her

In a Google Talk chat with a new friend, she mentioned how I seem to like to spoil my women, and how she wouldn't like it because she likes her independence.

I took slight issue with her view on spoiling, because it has nothing to do with overwhelming a woman or taking away even a bit of her character.  It's not about changing her, it's not about molding her.

When I spoil a woman, I do so to highlight the parts of her that I like most. It has little to do with her needs, really.

If I buy a woman nice clothes, it's because I want to see her look nice: for me.

If I take a woman to a nice dinner, it's because I want the companionship of a lovely lady at a dinner I would like.

I spoil, yes, but I prefer independent women.

I spoil by treating her like a woman, but not like a baby or a girl. Too many nice guys try to spoil by overdoing it, which is horrible. I'm not a nice guy. I know what my needs are, and I fully expect to have them fulfilled, or I hit the road. I don't intimidate or push what my needs are; I wait to see if the independent woman I am with can read my needs and fulfill them because she wants to, or she likes to.

I spoil a woman by how I look at her face, forcing her to step up her game for me to notice more than it. Women love to command attention, but once they get it, they're usually a little underwhelmed.

I spoil a woman in bed by forcing her to want my touch more, to want me for just another minute. I spoil her after we have sex because I know when she's just past the breaking point of enough, but is laying there amazed at what her body can do and what I can do to her body.

I spoil a woman with conversation that is interesting to her, and then obviously interesting to me. I don't talk about myself, I let her talk about what she has inside of her. Women are verbal creatures, they need to vent and air and laugh about things.

I spoil a woman by being a man who leads, but giving her limited choices to direct. A woman needs a producer, a man needs a director. Women who are attracted to me love to grab my arm and let me lead them. They love to grab my face to kiss me, or grab my ass to pull me in deeper or for a longer period of time or a pause.

I spoil a woman not by giving her compliments that mean nothing or gifts that are contrived. When I compliment a woman, it will mean so much more because it is rare. When I give a gift to a woman, it will be something thought out, something she was missing or needed but didn't realize. I will learn her so I can treat her to the nice things that I want her to have.

I spoil a woman by listening when she's sad, not interjecting my male-views on her problems. I spoil a woman by understanding that a kiss is not a fuck, a hug is not a kiss, and rolling around making out on the couch may just be a great way to say bye until next time.

I love to spoil a woman. The damned problem is that most women I know are just girls, and they're so messed up that even they don't know what they want. Even worse, they prefer to be messed up rather than take the obvious task of working on their issues (something I am actually quite good at assisting in). 

Spoiling a girl is something that bores me.  Spoiling a woman is something that doesn't change either of us, but emphasizes the best parts of us so we both shine together.


Amy said...

You understand that you're spoiling us (your collective blog readership) for other men, right? In many ways you sound almost too perfect.


Andy said...

Agreed with Amy. You're only making my pickiness grow, just so you know.

Celine de Chicago said...

Damn and you wonder why some girls who actually get to know you for more than 5 minutes go apeshit about you?

Copied, pasted, printed for my boyfriend's fridge.

Melissa said...

What about her needs? No matter how much you spoil, most independent women are eventually going to walk if it's all about you all the time. Okay, this independent woman would, anyway. Clearly I'm in the minority here :P

Celine de Chicago said...

You havent met him, have you? Werent you supposed to be one of the AFCB group? Those of us who have know. Hes doing it all for him, but everything he does damn well takes care of what we need. It fucking ridiculous. Im drunk btw.

ChicagoSane said...

Amy, that's not my goal :) I am far, far from perfect. I need to write more about my imperfections, but it's hard to visualize exactly how to phrase them.

Andy, it's good to be picky, but only when you're making huge decisions. Along the way in life, it's OK to be less picky for things (guys) that are about the Now rather than the Tomorrow.

Celine, the problem tends to be getting more than 5 minutes of time :) And tell Paulo I said hi, haha.

Melissa, her needs? A mature woman knows what her needs are, and she maximizes her time to venture towards fulfilling them herself. I'm the cherry on top of the whipped cream on top of the ice cream. She's the ice cream glass, or maybe the table beneath it.

Celine (again), you should stay sober when you go online :) It's possible that you my regret, oh, a certain email you may possibly send to someone you're friends with. Sorry I missed you guys again.

Dani said...

I think that most women know what they want, and know how to get it. At least I know how to.

I'm not going lie, I do enjoy being spoiled by a man- what woman doesn't? I don't think it matters how independent you think you are, being spoiled is always a nice thing.

I do think that getting everything right away does make it boring...I think that the chase is so much fun. Seeing just how much the other party will give/take. It's all part of the adeventure!