The last sane bloke in Chicago

Onward and Upward: GOD'S PENIS

This post was auto-posted at 3:30PM CST because I am somewhere between Sao Paulo and Miami.

I had mentioned a phenomenon this past Monday that I like to call GOD'S PENIS. Yes, it has to be typed in all-caps, and it should be bold-faced. I'd go so far as to increase the font size by 1 or 2, but let's not get ahead of ourselves.

Many guys get this. Many women love it. What is it?

For me, it's when Little Fire Hydrant decides to get a LOT more blood in him, getting significantly longer and thicker. I remember the first time it happened to me, about 15 years ago. We were fooling around, and my girlfriend decided to whisper some obnoxiously vulgar things in my ear that she wanted or liked or fantasized about. Lucky for me, she was also PMSing, so her knockers were at least a cup size bigger. I'm not a boob man (far from it), but the combination of the two things made me extremely horny.

And it showed. She was just fondling Little Fire Hydrant when all of a sudden she said "HO LEE SHEE EET." Yes, it was 4 syllables. I didn't know what the problem was, so I followed her eyes down there. Holy shit, indeed. I'm not embarassed about my penis size, which is just average for an American male. But when I looked down and saw porn star penis, I almost jumped up, thinking someone had dosed me up with horse pills or something.

She didn't wait for the usual teasing foreplay. She found the condom, difficultly rolled it on (it was way too tight), and hopped aboard. And she went for a ride that neither of us forgot. I was hitting things I never hit before, she was stretched out more than she had ever been before me (her previously lovers had relatively average cocks, too, but I was thicker than both). We still laugh about that afternoon, not knowing how many times she came. I held off as long as I could, I didn't want that little (big?) sucker to go away.

Sadly, after I did, he did. I'm multiple orgasmic, so I can get back to game worthy in a matter of moments usually, but when I did, GOD'S PENIS was gone. We tried everything: dirty talk, watching her warm herself up for round two, everything. No go. I was slightly deflated (emotionally and physically).

GOD'S PENIS came and went over the next decade and a half, without much rhyme or reason. I've tracked it, trying to put 2 and 2 together (or in my case, 3.5 and 3.5 together), and have come up with a few things that have caused it:

1. Smoking reduction. Smoking is one of the #1 reasons for ED, or even limpy D. The good thing about ED and LD is you're probably not going to get VD, but that's not a good thing, I guess.

2. Exercise (lunging, squats, etc). I hate exercise. My body is fine without it, but I really need to get some abs and pecs back. When I work out a lot, doing high intensity training, blood flow definitely is raised down below.

3. Dirty talk. A woman who can honestly talk dirty, because she wants to and not just for me, will get the blood moving VERY quickly. The downside is if she wants to get throat fucked, and tells me, chances are that GOD'S PENIS will arrive and she'll gag more than you are right now when I tell you about this girl I knew with horrid swamp ass.

4. A very hot woman. This isn't a requisite need, but it does help. I'm not necessarily talking superficially hot; I've had GOD'S PENIS when a woman was scantily dressed and out on the town with me, I've had it with some models I've fucked, I've had it with a celeb I bedded for a summer, and I've had it when I slept with a friend of mine who had probably the best body imaginable (think Megan Fox) but a face that wasn't that great (think Michael J. Fox).

Here's the thing about GOD'S PENIS: it pretty much proves, to me, that penis size matters. No, not for general attraction or sexual desire overall, but a larger penis definitely can make a huge difference in bed. I've always dreamed of an extra 1/2 inch in length just so I could nail that spot many lovers like when they're forced down on their bellies and I'm banging away on top. So close, yet so far away.

I don't care what ANY woman says, size matters. Yes, you pencil dicks can bring her off, blah blah blah. I said it before: sex is not about orgasm. It's about having fun, or sharing feelings, or cleaning out your pipes, or showing your passion, or getting out aggressions, or celebrating a fun event, or conquest, or being conquered; so many reasons. A big penis doesn't always mean a better orgasm (for either), but it CAN enhance sex.

Here's the secret to a big penis that a lot of men and women don't realize: the best part of having a larger cock is that it's still efficient and usable during the waning periods of sex. A man's dick can change in size during the SAME sexual event up to 40% smaller and 20% bigger than their usual size. It does happen. It's not that the woman is boring or that the man is bored, it's just how blood flow works.

If you're bigger, when you wane you'll still be decent enough to not pop out every 36 seconds. That's a bummer, indeed. Remember, when you do pop out, all the woman is thinking is "Shit, he's going to fuck up and stick it in my asshole. I know it!" So you want to stay in.

With GOD'S PENIS, I've had the luck of it extending to be a little TOO long (again, I am normally average), and had to withhold from going ball's deep. That gives me leverage to keeping things where they need to be, especially in those crazy positions I like to rediscover.

Oh well. It is what it is. Some guys are lucky to get full length and girth from kiss to orgasm every time, but most of us aren't. There are exercises you can do, confidence building techniques, proper diets, cutting back on alcohol and smoking, etc. But it's so much work for what amounts to a little gain. I prefer to get it randomly, just so I can hear those magic words: "Oh my God, what are you planning on doing with THAT thing?"

Posted by ChicagoSane at 3:30 PM

Labels: erectile superfunction, God's Penis, sex