A quiet week

I have a quiet week ahead, with no major plans to keep my attention from much needed sleep, cuddle time with the kittie, doing some cleaning and preparing for some rehabbing of the old apartment, etc.

AFCB#1 called me up today out of the blue, telling me she saw me on Saturday but I didn't notice her waving. She told me she's missed my company and would like to hang out again, so I'm putting some ideas together for gal-pal festivities. I'm thinking of taking a road trip up to Ren-Faire or maybe Woodstock, Illinois for good food and sunlight. We'll see.

I'm going to drop a line to AFCB#2 as well, might as well make it a blogging buddy week. Maybe lunch, maybe dinner, not sure really. Always good to have eye candy 3 feet in front of me while I stuff my face and belly.

My mind is cluttered from lack of good sleep, so I'm definitely doing a nap this afternoon in the sun. Millenium Park or the beach, anyone?

I have two VIP tickets to Harry Potter for Tuesday night at 12:01am at a fantastic theater (the best in Chicago if you ask me) but I can't go due to plans I already made for Tuesday, so I traded the tickets for Wednesday. Not sure if I should take a friend for movie and dinner, or push for calling up a possible date interest or not. It's a tough call.

Bea from Saturday added me to Facebook and said "we should hang out again soon." I would very much like to stick my ears on her thighs for awhile, but I also don't like hooking up with any of gay Miguel's friends. He loves to blabber, and then simple stores like "He had sex" become "He's having orgies and is going to have a polygamous marriage and children with his entire concubine." So I'm leaving that one simmering on a back burner because I think it would be wise to stay 10 feet away. My resolve this weekend was nearly broken.

I'm trying to make lunch plans with a competitor of mine, Brach, who is in town from Germany. He's about my height and weight, but his body fat is probably 2%. When he comes to town, we pound on each other in an alley behind one of my buildings, and then wander into bars bloody and bruised. Lots of fun with the surly German, but I'm not sure if these old bones can take it.

So that's about it. Not a lot of interesting things happening, but I sure as hell am ready to get my mouth on someone's lips (yes, those too) and tell you all about it.

Any of you getting laid? Tell me about it.

Sex drought, sex hurricane, where's Skilling now?

I went through a bit of a sex drought from November to April.  November was one of those crazy months where I finished having sex with my previous friend-with-benefits and then had 2 hookups with amazing out-of-my-league women I knew in some manner in my life.  Both were sexy and gorgeous, and both would be great FWBs if not for the boyfriends in their lives being decent guys.  How I wish either of their boyfriends were total losers so I could keep banging away at them when they needed it, but still be free to work hard, travel, and have fun with good folks.  Ah, well.

After November, the Chicago cold gor to me and I hit the road for 4 months to warmer weather.  There was NO sex and not even smooching when I was away.  I was working on some writing, sitting at beaches drinking fru-fru drinks with umbrellas, and just relaxing.  It would have been nice to get laid, but I hate vacation sex, really.  There was one gal (my waitress at the local greasy spoon) who I was into, but she denied me twice so I stopped trying.

Upon returning home to Chicago, the drought continued.  Meeting women is not the problem, finding decent women who I actually find attractive is near impossible.  My standards are high, but not typical guy standards.  My idea of hot and beautiful has almost nothing to do with social norms: she needs to be able to dresss well (on occasion), carry herself tall and confident, be able to smile, and be teasingly physical with me.  Women who don't want their hands on me are not women I waste time with.  I'm only into those who show their attraction to me through touches and smiles and laughs.

April was stagnant, and it was getting the best of me.  I was meeting mostly dirty whorish women, and I'm not one to take a whore up on a sexual advance if I think I'll regret it.  It's just sex, I know, but where are the good writers, where were the women who can spell and add and dress themselves up for a night out?  Non-existent.

Then the run of attractive and interesting women came.  First there was Kerry, who I tried to have sex with.  Then there was Stace, who I finally did commit an amazing early-night to.  But looking back, 5 women in my bed over 20 months or so isn't really THAT much.  And after a great night with Stace, I really think those floodgates are broken open.  I can lay pipe 5 times in a day, and yet there's no ground to dig.

For me, a friends-with-benefits situation would be perfect.  Even a long distance one (I can afford to travel weekly for pleasure).  But my brain just isn't interested in meeting people and dating people and spending time to get to know them.  I don't do NSA hookups, I don't pick up girls at bars, and I hate dating sites.  I need to get out more, for sure, but I have more fun with friends than I do going solo lately.  If I'm with friends, I'm usually so focused on having fun with them that I forget about scouting the scene for a cute gal who at least looks intelligent and might have even given her outfit 3 seconds thought before going out.

So meterologically, it was drought then hurricane then drought.  I have to face the facts: I'm an attractive guy, I'm a great lover, I'm mysterious and interesting and a great listener.  These are all bonus points for meeting an acceptable woman.  But the negatives seem to outweigh the positives: I'm NOT looking for a girlfriend, I'm not looking for NSA random hookups, I'm not interested in dating 50 women for 1-2 dates each only to find one who is available to my needs and me hers.  I've received some propositions in the past 2 weeks, but who knows if they're real or just teasing.

As I say, the floodgates have opened wide, but I have no idea where the river is headed or even if I want to jump on a boat and ride the flood to an acceptable finish.

I guess I'll see where it takes me for a short while, and if that doesn't get me anywhere conclusive, I'll resort to a lowering of standards in summer.

One simple request: women, get out of your damn apartments more so I can meet you.  I'm certain the great ones are holed up, maybe even reading this.

She's gained weight, lost her sexy?

Seems the 3 or so guys who read this site (tell your friends, boys) prefer to email me than leave comments. If you have a Blogger account and want to leave a comment without it pointing back to your Blogger account, just use the Anonymous feature or Name/URL. It works fine and you stay anonymous.

One regular reader emailed me yesterday regarding my post about keeping a woman's sex drive high by doing unsexy things. His email said:

I love my wife and want to have more sex, but she's gained weight. How do I keep thinking about her rather than other women?

Honesty is good and this is a problem a lot of men face, married or not.  As I've said in previous posts, the first thing to work hard to do is get rid of the porn.  Porn is a great part of my life, but I'm single.  When you don't have a woman's body to release into (or on, in my case), porn is a very distant second place.  If you do have a woman in your life, porn should hit the road.  Increasing your own sexual desire can have an effect on her, if you focus that desire properly.

But what do you do when your size 4 princess became a size 12 queen?  The first thing to do is look at your own body: did you gain weight, too?  The pot calling the kettle black is a problem we guys face that is hard to realize.  When I gained weight many years ago (in a long term relationship), I didn't even notice it until I hit 30# over my ideal weight.  It took seeing a photo of me to say "Wow, I'm fat!"  She had gained a lot of weight, too, but I didn't bring it up.  Instead, I curbed my starches and sugars, picked up a set of cheap weights at Target ($20 maybe), and spent 10 minutes a day on my upper body.  Not a lot of work, but enough to get some definition going under my layers of fat.

I burned off those 30# in about 12 weeks, and I added enough definition that she noticed.  She was touching me more, and whenever I was working with my shirt off, she noticed definition in my back.  Many women will find a man's back muscles more attractive than arm, pec, or ab muscles.  It's an odd internal glitch in our ladies.

Once you've tackled the porn situation and focused on your own weight gain, you can work on the next step: make her sexy in your mind.  Porn can be a great burden on finding real women attractive.  All models are airbrushed, even the so-called amateur teens (most likely 25 year olds with makeup and good lighting).  Once the porn is out of your system, how about using HER pictures for the times you're alone in the bathroom or the bedroom and need to take care of your own needs?  I'm not talking about raunchy photos or nudes, just photos of her when you found her most sexy: that smile, working in the garden, or the candid shots taken from when you were dating.  Even if she's gained 50#, she's still the same sexpot you knew years ago.  Use it to your advantage.

There's a funny side effect of using your own lady to jerk off to: if she catches you, she'll get really mad and then when she finds the source of your passion, she may be out of her clothes in 5 minutes flat.  That'll solve your problem then and there.

I still believe that masturbation when you're sexually frustrated in a relationship is a bad idea for men.  It does reduce our sex drive quite a bit.  Fighting the urges give you a little more drive to find a solution to your predicament.   So far, I have had 2 long term relationships where the sex drive dried up because we were both so busy.  I put that to an end by working discretely to find a way to make time.  The best thing I had ever done was remove the TV from the bedroom and living room.  Grab some books or magazines to replace it.

If you don't waste 3 hours a night watching Friends and Will & Grace re-runs, you might be surprised that both your bodies respond to the boredom with a desire for sex.  Instead of watching TV, grab those books or magazines.  Give her short glances and watch her read (it's very very sexy).  She'll catch you and might take the hint that you do find her sexy.  It might not be great sex (that's your doing, fellas), but it's sex.  Getting your foot in the door (or something else) is a good way to getting your future sex life comfortable.

Her weight gain should not be a problem for sex.  The biggest turn-off is not weight, but how she dresses and carries herself.  If you can approach her body, in clothes, without seeming horny or gross, she'll still melt for you.  Don't be afraid to hug her regularly in thanks.  Don't be afraid to take a photo of her today for your wallet and one for your desk at work.  If she complains about being overweight, tell her that she's lovely and you're just as into her now as you were then.  If you dumped the porn, started jerking to her photos, and are working on your own weight problem, you'll mean it.  She'll believe you.

Lastly, kiss her more in the morning before she's fully awake.  No, not tongue-down-the-throat kisses; just smooch her forehead (or her hair even), stroke her hair, run your fingernails on her shoulders and arms and hands.  Non-sexual touches for men can be discrete sexual advances in the woman's heart and loins.  Morning sex is always a fun side project, which can satisfy both of you for the turbulent day of responsibilities ahead.