Sex drought, sex hurricane, where's Skilling now?

I went through a bit of a sex drought from November to April.  November was one of those crazy months where I finished having sex with my previous friend-with-benefits and then had 2 hookups with amazing out-of-my-league women I knew in some manner in my life.  Both were sexy and gorgeous, and both would be great FWBs if not for the boyfriends in their lives being decent guys.  How I wish either of their boyfriends were total losers so I could keep banging away at them when they needed it, but still be free to work hard, travel, and have fun with good folks.  Ah, well.

After November, the Chicago cold gor to me and I hit the road for 4 months to warmer weather.  There was NO sex and not even smooching when I was away.  I was working on some writing, sitting at beaches drinking fru-fru drinks with umbrellas, and just relaxing.  It would have been nice to get laid, but I hate vacation sex, really.  There was one gal (my waitress at the local greasy spoon) who I was into, but she denied me twice so I stopped trying.

Upon returning home to Chicago, the drought continued.  Meeting women is not the problem, finding decent women who I actually find attractive is near impossible.  My standards are high, but not typical guy standards.  My idea of hot and beautiful has almost nothing to do with social norms: she needs to be able to dresss well (on occasion), carry herself tall and confident, be able to smile, and be teasingly physical with me.  Women who don't want their hands on me are not women I waste time with.  I'm only into those who show their attraction to me through touches and smiles and laughs.

April was stagnant, and it was getting the best of me.  I was meeting mostly dirty whorish women, and I'm not one to take a whore up on a sexual advance if I think I'll regret it.  It's just sex, I know, but where are the good writers, where were the women who can spell and add and dress themselves up for a night out?  Non-existent.

Then the run of attractive and interesting women came.  First there was Kerry, who I tried to have sex with.  Then there was Stace, who I finally did commit an amazing early-night to.  But looking back, 5 women in my bed over 20 months or so isn't really THAT much.  And after a great night with Stace, I really think those floodgates are broken open.  I can lay pipe 5 times in a day, and yet there's no ground to dig.

For me, a friends-with-benefits situation would be perfect.  Even a long distance one (I can afford to travel weekly for pleasure).  But my brain just isn't interested in meeting people and dating people and spending time to get to know them.  I don't do NSA hookups, I don't pick up girls at bars, and I hate dating sites.  I need to get out more, for sure, but I have more fun with friends than I do going solo lately.  If I'm with friends, I'm usually so focused on having fun with them that I forget about scouting the scene for a cute gal who at least looks intelligent and might have even given her outfit 3 seconds thought before going out.

So meterologically, it was drought then hurricane then drought.  I have to face the facts: I'm an attractive guy, I'm a great lover, I'm mysterious and interesting and a great listener.  These are all bonus points for meeting an acceptable woman.  But the negatives seem to outweigh the positives: I'm NOT looking for a girlfriend, I'm not looking for NSA random hookups, I'm not interested in dating 50 women for 1-2 dates each only to find one who is available to my needs and me hers.  I've received some propositions in the past 2 weeks, but who knows if they're real or just teasing.

As I say, the floodgates have opened wide, but I have no idea where the river is headed or even if I want to jump on a boat and ride the flood to an acceptable finish.

I guess I'll see where it takes me for a short while, and if that doesn't get me anywhere conclusive, I'll resort to a lowering of standards in summer.

One simple request: women, get out of your damn apartments more so I can meet you.  I'm certain the great ones are holed up, maybe even reading this.

Attractive girls and "normal" guys

I was actually going to cover this topic this week, but blogger Ms. Mandy beat me to the punch in a short read titled quick comment.

Part of what she says:

Attractive girls are more willing to take someone on personality because they, one, can be more selective, and two, know what looks count for. I am not the most beautiful girl in the room. However I am striking, noticeably striking. I am not a Claudia Schieffer. I'm not bombshell good looking, but I have always gotten a lot of attention from males. And after a while it becomes tiresome and redundant. You hear the same corny pick up lines, you here the same compliments, and it ceases to matter. And you begin to realize it ain't a bed of roses. And all the attention that I get is not good attention.

That's exactly right.  I left a long, drawn out comment over on her blog, so go read it.  To continue on my comment and include some reference to her post, I don't use pick up lines.  I almost never compliment a woman.  The only time I'll raise a compliment in her favor is if she compliments me first.  This isn't a mind game, it's common sense.

I see two gals in a bar: a beautiful one and an average one.  The average one will likely shoot me down, the beautiful one will likely talk to me based on just one simple introductory phrase: "Hi, what's your name?"  That's it.  Not "Hey, beautiful, I'm ChicagoSane."  If she gives me her name, bonus.  I'll talk.  If she then asks for my name, double bonus: she's showing some interest.

What is the point of telling someone something they already know (in the form of a compliment)?  I'd rather be the one who gets to know a gorgeous, sexy woman (or an average one!) who never says "Wow, you're hot" but maybe a few weeks into it says "I'm amazed at how well you know Sartre."  And I won't even say that until I get a few "You have a great ass!" or "Your smile is amazing" from her.

I don't feed women shit.  I don't feed them lines.  I don't tell corny jokes.  I don't play the field at a bar looking for "the best." If I see someone cute, I'll say hi.  If she shoots me down, who cares?  Of all the women who have shot me down in 20 years of dating (HUNDREDS of women), I've run into maybe 5 more than once.

Thanks to Ms. Mandy for covering a really important topic.