Thursday, April 30, 2009
dbaggrrl emails me this morning:
"Doesn't sound like you're lonely, just bored and maybe in need of some lovin. How about finding a fuck buddy?"
Hmm, the thought's been there, but it's not really that interesting to me. The whole fuck buddy thing rarely works for me, mostly because the few girls I had who were just about booty ended up either being real sleazebag whores, or ended up falling for me WAY hard and I ended up hurting them.
That leaves me in a quandry: I'm definitely more on the prowl than not, although not too active about it. As I've said before, I don't seek out sex or love, just companionship and relationships. Those could be business-minded, or just friends, or geeky co-adventurers, or lovers, or whatever the case may be. I tend to only keep a few friends active at once, and just don't have the time or energy to pursue a real relationship at this point in my life. A few years ago I'd probably have settled down with the right gal, but the gal I had was the wrong gal in so many ways.
Theoretically, I have a fuck buddy but it's not someone I've utilized for that in many years. She was my best friend in high school, I was her first lover in her college years, and off-and-on we'd hook up if the time was right and we were both in the same town. As we've gotten older, we've both decided mostly to give up those completely-random-booty-calls at 1am on a Wednesday night. The last time must have been 3 years ago, and we ended up talking more in between the 40 minutes or so of banging that occurred between all our conversations. I'm no sap, but sometimes having a beautiful lady rolled up against your body and limbs is pretty awesome.
I was propositioned the idea in summer last year by a friend-of-a-friend who I was crazy attracted to on many levels. I nixed it BECAUSE of that crazy attraction. There's no way I wouldn't build up some kind of minor jealousy, so I told her the plain truth: we can't date, we shouldn't fuck, and there's not much else to do. So we run into each other on rare occasions socially, have a few laughs and then part ways to the rest of our evenings. It's smooth, but I do regret not at least taking her up on a one-night-stand. If anything, her body and face have gotten better with age, not worse.
I also like discreteness if at all possible. I'm no player, I don't sleep around, but I like my love life to be as private as possible, unless I'm in a serious relationship. When I did the sugar-daddy/sponsor thing, I made it clear that our relationship was to be as private as possible. I don't want to meet your friends or lovers, and you aren't going to meet mine. That's the fun part of that relationship: we both get outside of our worlds, and do new and interesting things. The downside is that finding an amazing girl to sponsor is very difficult in this day and age I've seen. Plus, I don't believe that sponsorship goes with sex, so that wouldn't cure any physical needs.
Since coming back to Chicago, I've had my share of possibilities. Liz wanted to sleep with me, only because she had a great time and sex with her boyfriend is boring and humdrum. The girl she secretly hooked me up with would have been sex, but we didn't fit, so that was a miss. Kari and I still talk, but she's already working on taking her new relationship to a better level, which means sex is out of the question there. I keep wanting to talk to my new neighbor (we both do laundry often at the same time), but that's too close for comfort, and I've now seen her TWICE at the local Target. Yeesh.
Maybe I should start hanging out in the burbs or Milwaukee or somewhere a little further away. A new world, I won't run into ten billion people I know or who know me or of me, and there can be some sense of secrecy with intimacy that only gets better from the short distance. I do have to say that my few VERY long distance relationships in my life have been the best fun AND the best sex I've had. Plus there's almost no chance of either of us trying to make it TOO serious.
If it boils down to this versus that, I'd probably prefer a phone sex buddy than a fuck buddy. Consider this: We're both going to jerk off anyway, but having someone to mutually tease and turn on makes that part of our lives a million times better. Highly recommended.
So that's my take. A fuck buddy could be fun, but I don't want to deal with the ramifications of what may happen should one of us get more serious about it than the other. I'd take on a sugar-lady if the right one came into my life, but I won't seek it out. I'm definitely not going to pick up some sleazester in a bar, and most of the women I ask out in my daily life seem to desperately want a serious relationship. Maybe it's this recession that people are talking about, causing couples to appear when they probably shouldn't.
So to Miss dbaggrrl, I appreciate the opinion, but it's not for me at the moment. On the other hand, if I meet someone I find attractive (sexually) but not so attractive socially, who really knows? At least I've found some decent porn sites in the interim.