Saturday, April 25, 2009
Over at another blog I follow (I don't know this person, and they surely haven't approved or disproved of the contents of this blog or this particular post), The Writings of Madame Yu See, the writer speaks of their recent dating experience.
He asked me a few questions, I asked him a few questions. Yada, yada, yada, 45 minutes later he announced that he had to leave. "You have a date tonight, don't you?" I asked. He was a little evasive, but quickly admitted that he did have a date tonight.
I don't think he was one of the hot young guys when he was in high school, I think he wanted to meet me just so he could truthfully say to himself (and to whomever else he talked with about such things) that on Saturday, April 25, 2009, at the age of 62, probably for the first time in his life, he had dates with two real live women on the same day.
I'm assuming the author of that blog is probably in her (?) 40s or 50s, but who really knows. Being in my 30s, I've given up dating for awhile mostly because of the lack of interesting women that have a similar trajectory in life. I can understand what Madame Yu See sees frustrating in dating, especially in that chapter of life because I feel a certain difficulty with people in my arguably-a-touch-younger generation.
To me, women in my dating market (let's say 24 to 44) don't date competitively. Do you stick to ONLY one grocery store or ONLY one mega-shop (Target/Walmart, etc) before you select your favorite, or do you try a few differet ones? I feel the same way about dating.
Sadly, people my age tie dating to sex too often, and too quickly. I don't have sex with girls I date unless it is going to get serious. Then, if I do sleep with them, it better be serious and monogamous. During the dating process, I'll actively date many women. Why? Because I don't want to make the mistake of falling into a codependent relationship just because there's a girl in front of me who likes me.
When you have 2 or 3 choices of people to date, you give yourself a nice relief-valve. The minute that a woman I date does something psychotic or insane, I dump them. It's usually 2 dates.
I'm not a harsh critique, my definition of insanity really IS insanity (read: adding your entire family from Facebook within 2 dates). That's no good.
As I said before, I also don't sleep with people I date unless it's been awhile. 3 months or 6 months at the minimum, and few make it that far.
Some who read this blog on occasion know I can be pretty graphic about sex, but I like sex. I don't need it daily, weekly or even yearly, but I like it when I can get it. If I am not dating, I see nothing wrong with casual, safe sex. Not with hundreds of women a lifetime, but one or two a year is fine. Even 3 or 4 is possible. I don't do one-night-stands, generally (Celine and Liz were both rarities, and Liz has emailed me about hooking up again if I'm interested).
For now, I won't date. I don't have the patience at this point in my life. I'm busy. I like being single with my tiny abode and my low cost of living. That doesn't mean I'm keeping it in my pants, but I'm not actively looking for sex, either.
When it comes time to date -- or to fuck -- I'll look at ALL my options and not keep it to 1 woman. It's mutually safer for both of us, all of us, and it keeps things interesting, competitive, and raises the desire level of the others for sure.
If you're dating, and your date obviously has another date after you, why aren't you doing the same?