Why I avoid the gym, and gym-goers

Written on the plane this morning.

I recently spoke with a friend about why I avoid the gym and why I even avoid gym-goers. I'm older than most of my readers, but I also started dating younger than most, so I have a long history of dating and follow-through. Since I am also friendly with all of my exes (save 2), I have a good ear for issues that come up in most relationships over time.

One of my biggest problems about my own taste in women has been physical shape. I'm not superficial about a beautiful face (of course I love them, but I also love women with aggressive features). I am superficial about a person's body type. Please note that I've dated, successfully, women who were a size 10 (which isn't large), but my smaller frame and height adapts better to women who are in the 2-6 size range. I've dated some 0's and 00's (they exist, and don't always look unhealthy), but I also prefer a little muscle and a tiny bit of surface fat rather than sheer boniness.

And yet, even though I prefer a tinier woman, I don't date health-club junkies. It's something many friends find odd when they try to set me up with women: "You'd really like Lisa, she's thin!" Does she work out? "5 days a week!" No, thanks. "???"

Here's the reason: through my entire life of being able to penetrate people's frustrations and get to the root of their relationship issues, the number one problem I have come across is "He's not the man that I first met" or "She's so different now than when we were dating." It doesn't always mean physical changes, but change that is significant in any way can be a real deal breaker.

We all change, some more than others. I've been told by women who knew me since my toddler years that I haven't changed much. Even photos of me as a child have the same facial expression, and I guess I've been Mr. Cool Cat since I was born. Still, I do see a lot of relationships fail due to significant changes in personality, emotional stability, financial comfort and physical well-being.

As I ventured into my 30s, I found a lot of my friends lost the drive to stay fit. The best looking and strong high school football quarterback who stayed fit through 23 looks like a pile of pudge and rolls at 29. There's no going back to his high school body, he's given up the strenuous exercise.

An ex-girlfriend of mine who had the body of a bikini model at 25 now looks like a poster child for Weight Watchers Extreme. She hasn't had kids but is 35 and lost the drive to hit the club 5 days a week for an hour at a time. She hates her body, and it affects her emotionally often.

There are many reasons for weight gain, but one of the primary ones is genetics. Some of us are pre-disposed to not handling certain foods well. When we're younger and more energetic, we can fight off the pudge and bulges with more energy expended, but as the body ages and the pancreas can no longer regulate fat storage, we gain weight.

Then there is me. In my 30s, I'm in great shape, without exercise. I live on a diet of pork and cheese, yet my cholesterol and blood pressure are below the average for my age. My doctor said, ignoring smoking, my body is in better shape than people who are 15 years my junior. Genetics, diet, lifestyle all play a major role.

But the lifestyle I've chosen is one I like. I love how I eat, I love the amount of energy I expel on a daily basis. No part of my daily routine is something I want to necessarily see changed. If I went to the health club, I'd probably have an incredibly sexy body, but I am happy with my body the way it is.

So when I date, I look for people who are in good shape, but don't go through huge daily routines to get there. I'd rather date a size 8 who is that way naturally than a size 2 who has to work her ass off and invest 1-2 hours a day traveling to and rigorously using a health club. What's going to happen when she hits 30? A body change that I may not be comfortable with.

I get my ass reamed by friends for seeming callous, but as I've talked to some mommy blogger and even a Facebook friend who just past the age of 70, I've realized that both men and women seem to be discouraged by not just their weight, but the weight of their significant others. It's a downer. It can destroy one's sex drive, confidence, ability to negotiate better terms when making deals, job raises and position climbing and even respect from people one meets for the first time.

It's not something I like to deal with. I especially don't do well with "Am I getting fat?" questions, because I am brutally honest. When a lady I was casually dating over 6 months went from a size 2 to a size 6, she asked me I had notice. Sure, I did. "Am I getting fat?" You're on your way. She hated me for weeks. The relationship failed over those 4 words she said, and my 4 words in response.

And now she's a size 12. We're still pals, especially on Facebook, and she asks me regularly why she didn't listen to my words rather than spitting them back in my face. I've explained to her, religiously, that she should accept it because her genetic predisposition is to being heavier rather than lighter, plus her diet and sedentary lifestyle add to the bulge. Yet she has no energy or desire to change it, so she's larger than she was when we dated over a decade ago. It's OK.

Then there was Kari, who was my friend-with-benefits in 2008. Her body is fantastic and she doesn't spend even 1 hour a month in a gym. She does do a little biking, but nothing aggressive. She ate well and wasn't on a particular diet. She kept herself active enough, but nothing out of control. I adored her body and couldn't keep my hands or mouth off of it when she prompted me with the signals that she needed some body worshiping attention.

My one time lover Celine has a body to die for, but her entire family is gorgeous, including her mother who birthed many kids. She eats healthy, does a little cardio at the club a few days a week, but can go months without working out and still stays fit. She used to be a model, so there is some genetics, some lifestyle, some diet, but nothing out of control. I highly doubt she'll get the pudge that she sometimes fears. I ask her what she does to control it and her answer is always "Nothing, but I'm fearful." I would be, too.

Liz, another fly-by-night lover from last year, has a crazy hot body that she hides because she had a fat spell before puberty. Her weight changes more frequently, varying from the small side of a size4 to the larger end of a size 6, but I prefer her body in the latter size because it fills out her hips and tits much nicer. She, too, doesn't work out or shove herself into crazy diet mode. It's that same combination: genetics, diet, lifestyle.

Stace, the last person I had sex with used to be fat. Not huge by any means, but obviously there are leftovers from her struggle with weight gain and loss. We're not currently speaking due to a mutual decision to part company, but her memories of being fat have caused her to close doors that should be left open. She has a predisposition to being heavier, plus her lifestyle and diet are under strict control to stay fit. If she doesn't stick to her guns, she'll get fat again in no time. I can't imagine being in a relationship with someone who has to be that careful, it seems like a great waste of mental space.

As we can see, I tend to navigate towards the gals who have the genetics, the lifestyle and the regular diet to stay thin. I don't like to waste time over someone who I am not compatible with in these areas. In terms of recent people I haven't necessarily dated but have gone out with, there's almost a consistency to why I stick with one over another. Delecta, my friend-with-food-benefits, is someone I've never seen naked or even a hint of it (no bikini or anything) but from what I can gather, she has an incredible body and she obviously doesn't exert herself trying to stay in shape. She's been on an emotional roller coaster, though, so that can contribute to weight loss. As time goes on, she may return to her "normal" weight, which I believe is still more than admirable for someone who stuffs her face with pork rinds and beer when she's with me.

So there's the problem, solved: I don't do well with gym-goers. I have no problem if someone needs to do it for their own sanity, or for weight control, or muscle growth, or heart-health, but in general I've seen way too many people be all hot-and-heavy to sweat with a machine in their 20s and then give up the drive in their 30s, with their body feeling the consequences.

It's peculiar, I'm sure, but it's how my mind works, it's even how my heart works. Compatibility and chemistry come from not just how someone looks now, but why they look that way. Too much makeup, obvious plastic surgery, overdosing on the stairmaster, keeping track of every calorie -- these things just don't work for me. I know what I like, and it's someone who leads a lifestyle and diet similar to mine. This means, if we should get serious, that things will likely stay a lot more stable, at least in one area that affects so many people I know.

A secret of the elite: staying skinny

After my intercourse amongst the wealthy and powerful, I realized I forgot to post something I promised a few of you that I'd post: the secret to staying skinny.

Many people believe what they read: what supposed doctors say, what dieticians say, what governments suggest, what TV commercials push. The lies that these conspiratorial masses vomit on us haven't changed in decades, and most people still fall for it.

The lies are the following:
1. Eating fat will make you fat.
2. Exercise will make you skinny.
3. Calories matter.

All 3 of these things is a lie. Not just a little lie, but a big horrible lie. The wealthy and elite have known about it for 200 years. Hollywood has known about it for 100. To this day, most people still believe these lies. They waste their time at health clubs, they waste good flavor for horrible-tasting cardboard, they spend time counting calories and reading boxes. All for a great big lie.

When the FDA created the food pyramid, it was based on a lie. They did it to pander to the wheat and corn industry. When doctors propose counting calories, they do it for a lie. Fat people sell more medical services, more medicines, more long term profits for the medical industry as a whole. Health clubs push the lie, as do diet book writers. But it's a lie, and it's a lie that can be confirmed with very little effort.

There is only one thing that effect body fat: insulin. That's it.

A few people over the years actually discovered this to be true, and attempted to help others to acknowledge it. Dr. Atkins of the famed Atkins Diet was one, but he didn't go far enough, or he went to far. The Atkins Diet works wonders for weight loss and health, but it was sold to consumers in a way that caused boredom. The media (part of the liars and conspiracists) also fought the lower-carb way of living.

Dr. Taubes also wrote recently about it, clarifying the case for reducing one's insulin reaction to what we eat. Insulin in the body comes from a reaction to one thing: eating too much sugar or starch. The baddies are always the same: potatoes, bread, rice, ice cream, pancakes, pasta. These things either ARE sugar, or they convert to sugar quickly. When any of them touch the tongue, the body reacts to the soon-coming sugar rush by creating an insulin rush.

Here's the problem: processed foods confuse the body into creating too much insulin. When the sugar hits the gut, the insulin battles it, but there's too much insulin left. The reaction: we get tired. Know when you hit the 2pm doldrums? That's because you ate too much sugar and starch, fatty. After you overcome the insulin-created tired phase, you get hungry. The body wants you to eat MORE sugar to clear out the insulin. So you eat again, and then you create MORE insulin.

Insulin in the body also creates other side effects, mainly weight gain. When you eat so much crap (sugars and starches) the body stores ugly byproducts of that as body fat. It feels like it can protect against starvation by loading the body up with long term energy.

The medical industry found a wonderful way to sell more services and drugs by lying to people that calories matter. Calories don't. And because people THINK calories matter, they think that working out matters. It doesn't. When I lost 35# of fat (from eating too much sugar and starch for a year), I didn't work out AT ALL.

Many people think that eating 2500 calories in a day means they can work off 1000 calories in a day and only have 1500 calories to count. Wrong. They'll still get fat. Fat people won't get skinny. Working out CAN increase muscle mass, which may stretch out some of the fat to give yout he appearance of being healthy, but the fat will still be there. It won't get burned off as long as your body has sugars and starches from consumption in the blood.

I've seen it before: people thinking they can indulge in a pizza because they worked out hard that day. Sadly, that pizza will still convert to glucose in the body, and still add fat to your ass and belly. I'm not saying you can't eat pizza, or pasta, or bread, but you have to consider the short term effects those foods can and will have on your body's insulin reaction.

There are those lucky people who have bodies that adapt very well to consuming sugars and starches. They're a rare few, and yes you should be jealous of them. For the rest of us, we need to focus on foods that are lower in sugars and starches, especially if we're obese. I'm not saying jump on the Atkins Diet (which fails most people), but seriously focus on the effects of EVERYTHING you eat, and continue to find foods that don't effect you that way.

One way I gauge the effect of certain foods is by monitoring my belly after eating. If it's bloated, I ate too much starch. Your belly doesn't get big from eating too much food, just eating too much starch. Insulin has that effect. I can eat a 2# burger and not get bloated, but if I eat a 1/4# burger with a huge pretzel bun, it will bloat. Insulin-galore.

Note that I do think that working out strenuously is wise. It's heart healthy, and it makes you stronger overall. But the way MOST people work out makes little sense. They spend 30 minutes on a stair machine, working out the same muscles that get bored of the energy expenditure. If you're not pushing your muscles to failure, you're not working out properly.

Doing repetitive exercise IS good for your heart and lungs, but it won't help your fat problem. Neither will doing a few reps that cause your muscles to fail (and grow), but it will cause you to add some muscles to areas where your skin is loose and could use some definition. Exercise doesn't burn fat enough. It makes you hungry, which causes you to eat, and if you eat the wrong foods, you'll get fatter.

It's funny that the wealthy and powerful tend to know this (especially the young gals). It's also funny that Hollywood has ALWAYS know this (they have to stay trim, so it's in their best interest to keep it a secret). I only wish that other people knew this. We'd have fewer diabetics. Health care in the country would PLUMMET in cost (fat people cost the most, because they have the most service needs and drug needs). We'd be more active individuals as a whole, producing more with less energy. Food costs would fall as we wouldn't all be trying for the same unhealthy grains.

Still, there aren't many who believe me. Even if I point them in the direction of actual medical advancement that proves that sugars and starches are BAD and make you fat and lazy, they still want to listen to those who conspire against them. Their doctors, their governments, their diet advisors, their health club trainers. These people ALL have a financial interest in keeping you fat.

And that's the key to living independently of those who want to control you: believe no one. Trust no one who has a financial interest in the product of services you are paying for.

Instead, stick to a diet of healthy fats: cheeses, meats, fish, heavy cream, dollops of oil on everything. Stay away from the unhealthy products: "low fat" anything, "light" anything, "skim" anything. Bundle in GOOD vegetables: the darker the better.

If you want pasta or rice or potatoes, keep them to a fist-size or smaller. Add in more fats to offset the sugar rush. Don't be afraid of red meat or greasy cheeses. Good fat in your diet won't end up on your ass, but the pasta will.

If you're going to work out, don't JUST do repetitive exercises that increase your heart rate. ALSO work out muscles independently to the point of failure: low reps of ridiculously heavy weights. If I can lift a weight more than 5 times, it's too light. I prefer to burn my muscles out doing 3 reps, 3 times. My arms or legs or abs will be broken for a day, but they'll look huge in a week.