1...2...3...4...5, Part II

Continued from Part I yesterday.

"1" stands for the first orgasm my latin lover had, face down, belly down, thighs spread, my face nestled gently between them.

After she had come down, I was nuzzled up against her, my arm hugging her from the side. Her goosebumps had disappeared, which means she was resting, but I would have none of that. I carefully caressed her back and arms again, more gentle than before, and within moments those gorgeous signs of desire returned. I jokingly hit her tickle spot, just to tease her a bit more. Her back jumped a bit, but when it returned so did my hand, caressing its way down to her ass and thighs. Her body is muscular but she still has a feminine form, and I really can't keep my hands off of her.

This time, my caresses brought forth the moans faster. Her face was turned sideways, facing me, but her eyes were closed. Her mouth was forming the moans beautifully, and I figured I may as well bring her off one more time. I realized that this lovely lady needed to be fucked, and I needed to fuck her, but I had no idea if she'd come from penetration, so I wanted to secure her second "O" now rather than later.

As my hands touched her thighs, one then the other, she parted them slightly. "I'm still wet" she told me. A quick check confirmed it. Later she would tell me that the words "I'm still wet" means "Do me now." I caressed her dripping pussy courtesy-reach-around style, spreading her full lips and pushing a finger only a little bit inside her. Again her ass and hips were grinding, up and down, so I manipulated her clit and pussy lips to the rhythm her body commanded me to.

Because of her full clit, part exposed and part open, her orgasms come quickly. She can come faster than almost any woman I have ever bedded, and they're sexy and loud and fill the air with a scent of heaven. What feels great for her is an ego stroke for me, but I have a feeling that her future lovers won't have an issue bringing her off unless they aren't gentle to begin with.

And it's not just about her orgasm, it's about teaching her my various tricks to find a woman's safety zone and then breach it. I've spoken with hundreds of women over my sexual years (maybe thousands?) who have boyfriends or husbands or fuckbuddies that just don't pay attention to how to bring them out of their shell and then ravage them before they can return. Women who learn from a solid lover can pass it on to future lovers, and that's my end result: bringing this lovely young lady's sexual peak to her life NOW rather than in her 30s.

As I slowly penetrated her with 2 fingers, not really entering deeply, just beyond her lips, she grinded harder, moaned louder, and put her hands out to her sides as she grasped the side pillows while biting and pressing against the pillow under her face. It didn't take long for her to come, and when she did her body tensed and released over and over. Her goosebumps came to full fruition, capturing her whole body in the only form of braille I know how to read.

And then she was done. That's number "2."

As she came down, I straddled her back, my hard cock growing even harder. I put my cock head onto her neck and slowly rubbed it down he back. Moans. I went from her neck to just above her ass, and then rubbed my cock all the way back up. Groans. It's electric, especially when my cock can bring goosebumps to her body.

I turned her over and asked her if she wanted to get fucked. "Yes, please, fuck me." I love her latin accent that carries through to her perfect English. Where should I fuck you? "Fuck me in my pussy, please, fuck me." I nodded. I straddled her tits and took my hard cock, grabbed her head and slipped into her mouth. Yesterday, she had some problems getting my full length into her mouth. After a great blowjob, she managed to get a little under half of it into her mouth.

Today, I'm going to challenge her. I watched her eyes and she watched mine, and I fucked her mouth slowly. I used my own pressure, my own rhythm as I pulled back to her lips and then penetrated her again. When more than half was in, I hit her throat, causing her to gag a little, but not lose how wet her mouth was. I continued to pull into and out of her mouth, getting a little bit more in each time.

I wanted to throat fuck her harshly, teach her a lesson in what she'll get if she teases me as she had. Instead, I wanted to make her comfortable with my cock in her mouth. This won't be the last time I see her, and I want to build her up to the point that I can slide my entire thick cock down her throat as fast and harshly as she deserves it.

She admitted to never swallowing a man's come or getting a full load on her face. Both of these issues will be resolved on this trip, and she will love and desire both from me in the future.

Finally, I realized I needed to be inside of her, inside of her pussy instead of her mouth. She's beautiful, but I want to break her cherry that had rebuilt itself after months of not having sex with anyone.

I stood up, reached down to the nighstand and unzipped my medicine bag. There are 4 condoms in there, so I pulled one out. I tore the package, squeezed the tip and unrolled it onto my thick cock. I prefer the "larger" sized condoms because they're not as tight and forgiving as the larger ones, but I was worried that GOD'S PENIS would show itself, which would hurt her pretty bad.

After the condom was unrolled, I used a muscular technique to lessen my erection without losing it completely. Historically, I can lessen my girth by about 30% and my length by about 10% if I do the right movements. If I am too aggressive about it, I can lose my erection entirely, so it's a risk.

I pulled her ass to the edge of the bed, stood on the floor, spread her legs and put my cock right at her pussy. "Fuck me, please please fuck me" she said in her Latin-distressed English. Gladly.

I pushed my cock in and her Latin eyes opened up majorly. Her back arched a bit and her hands fell against the bedsheets, gripped. Uh, oh, ouch? Are you ok? "Yes, fuck me." I pulled back a bit, and tried to penetrate her tight pussy again. Again, another arching and hands gripping the bed. Does it hurt? "No" she lied, "please."

I pulled back, used my muscles to try to lose a little more of my thickness, and then slipped it, obviously tearing a little but she took it in stride. As my cock finally penetrated her pussy's reborn virginity, she dumped a load of wetness all over my cock. As I pulled part of the head out, it was covered in her lube. "Ohhhh, yes," she moaned.

I ran my hands on her tight abs and then grabbed her hips as I pulled back into her, slowly. "Ohhh god, fuck me" she commanded.

I didn't pick up the pace, just pulling out a little and then sliding in a bit more. Within 10 minutes of at that soft rhythm, I was able to get about 1/2 of my cock inside of her, but no more. She's incredibly tight, but so wet that there was nothing holding back but my own desire not to bring too much pain to her.

She looked beautiful. She stared at my face, alternating between opening her eyes in lust and closing them in passion. After a good 15 minutes of stroking into her, I realized her thighs were getting tired from being spread. "Put my legs on your shoulders" she asked, almost immediately after I saw her legs get tired. I followed her advice, throwing each ankle onto my shoulder.

This also allowed me to pull in deeper, but still only at the half-way mark of Little Fire Hydrant. I could tell he was getting thicker, so I tried to relax him as I slipped in and out, always making sure to keep the head inside. When a woman hasn't been fucked in a long time, the act of first penetration can be painful, but reoccuring penetrations will still hurt. It's important to not fall out.

I found her rhythm that she liked, and I found a rhythm that gave me the best sensation while still allowing me to keep my cock from becoming too thick and long. Her limit was about 1/2 of my cock, and definitely not the full girth, but it felt amazing for both of us.

And then it happened as I kept the rhythm strong: she told me "I think I'm going to come." Ladies, there are two things us guys love about a gal: 1. when she tells us she's about to get there ("Don't stop, don't stop" works, too), and 2. when she actually tells us she IS there. Sandra doesn't say when she's coming, but she does have an awesome, LOUD orgasm. "ah, Ah, AH, AHHHHH" was all it took and I continued to keep my rhythm up, pushing a tiny bit deeper to see if I could get her to accept more of me.

I fucked her for another few minutes while she laddered up her orgasm, and then slid down slowly. Finally, I could tell she was done, and I didn't want her too sore from our first soft fucking, so I popped up and took off the condom.

I stroked my cock, hovering over her belly, and asked where she wanted my load. "Come on my tits, please." I love that she asks for it, so I spit on my hand and cock and continue to stroke the head, just inches above her belly button. As I looked at her gorgeous face, I knew I had to unleash on her tits and see her beautiful bronzed skin covered in my white come.

"Yes, come on my tits" she implored, and I exploded. My first shot landed on her left tit, then I moved my cock and hit her right tit with the second. I was trying not to be too explosive, but the third shot flew over her tits and chin and hit her square in the nostril and her nose, so I aimed the fourth shot at her right tit again and missed completely, landed a huge comeshot on her nose and her left eyelid. FUCK. I had 3 more shots left, and all fell on her tits and her belly.

Gorgeous. If I had a pic, I'd happily share it with all of you, because it was serene and sexy and I fully owned her body with my come.

I had brought a towel from the bathroom but it was out of reach, so I used my ring finger to pull the come off of her eyelid so she could open it. She smiled, almost laughed, and was enthralled by my come on her nose, which she grabbed with her finger and tasted. "You taste amazing" she told me, but it was probably a lie since my diet was out of whack in this Latin America country. I'll accept it, though, but I know it can taste better.

I finally grabbed the towel, covered her tits and belly, and crawled up next to her, to nuzzle, to nap, to contemplate when and if this will happen again.

To be finished in Part III.

Somewhere in America, Part II

Continued from Part I.

As I'm rubbing her back, her body is completely melting at my touch. A Chicago blogger I met told me that my stories of women might be getting boring because I tend to do the same thing to women, but it's not true at all. When I first investigate a woman's body, I touch her EVERYWHERE, looking for the spots she needs touched the most. Is it my fault that practically every woman, regardless of the number of lovers they've had, tend to have the same spots ignored?

Anyone (including the woman) can go for nipples and the clit, but only the rare bloke goes after every spot. Sometimes it's the back of the knee, sometimes its the small of the back. I've found scalps can be comforting or erotic, feet can be ticklish or orgasmic. That blogger who made that comment hasn't had my touch, so it's easy to say "meh" when all I've heard, time and again, is "oooooh" or "oh my god don't stop that ever." This blogger in my hands has read me, and she knows my style, and she still melted because I found her body's forgotten areas.

I'm not pressing her for anything, but I've wanted to touch a woman for months. My one real opportunity never happened (yet) because of her schedule and my schedule. So here I am, with this knock-out who was beaming over me in 3" heels (not that much taller, but taller), caressing her shoulders and arms and the upper portion of her back.

I know when a woman is comfortable, and this gal was in full-on bliss. She could pretend to know how I handle women my words, but now she knows the truth: her body is unique, just as everyone's is, and everyone has needs that have gone unfulfilled for far too long.

Eventually, we leave the near-spoon position and she rolls onto her belly. I hike the bottom of her skin-tight red cami top up to her bra strap, and start looking for ticklish spots. There, and there. She doesn't laugh or jump, I know how to find the spots to avoid. The rest of her back? Goose-fucking-bumps. When her hips were grinding into the king-sized bed, I knew my resolve was out the window.

So here I am with this tall, slim-yet-curvy, bronzed like a Maxim beach cover gal who is growing goosebumps bigger than the volcanoes that dot practically every Latin America country. What happens next? I turn her head and she kisses me. No, not a nice little Sane lady kiss but she tears my face off.

Another new blogger I email told me that her biggest turn off with guys is that they're bad kissers, or they jump the gun. Let me tell you, ladies and gentlemen, that this gal is NOT the type to just destroy a man's face, but I have a pretty good feeling that everything I was doing (or not doing) created this urge to annihilate my lips, tongue, facial scruff and possibly the neighbor's room in one fell swoop.

My fingers were still barely touching her back and shoulders, arms and hands, and our mouths were battling. Soft kissing, teeth clanking, tongues appearing and disappearing, moans and groans. I held her hands back so she couldn't touch me and before I know it, she takes her own shirt off. I'm not sure exactly how we were kissing with her on her belly and my belly on her back, but the next thing I know is her gorgeous ass grinding up against my cock which is on the edge of becoming GOD'S PENIS and causing us all problems (including you, fair reader).

I need to fuck this young woman, but she needs to be taught a lesson. I'm strong and weak, the sun is shining in the window in this early afternoon just hours after we met for the first time, but I know what I have to do. I have to break her into tiny little pieces so I can fuck each one separately and repeatedly until they melt back together.

I keep looking at her gorgeous face, these eyes that penetrate my mind stronger than I could penetrate her pussy on 100mg of Viagra. Yet every time I look at her, she destroys my face with the see-saw of hot, wet kisses and soft, tiny, sensual kisses. Who the fuck is teasing whom?

At some point, one of us gets her to flip over, straddling me from beneath. My cock is on her pubic mound and she's grinding, moaning, enveloping me with her latin lips and her Spanish/Andalusian eyes. My hands are still fighting the urge to tear her clothes off, dancing their light tune on her skin, still bringing forth strong goosebumps worthy of many photographs.

I unbutton my dress-shirt and lay my hairy chest on her bareback. She moans. I pull back and then put my chest on her again, a louder moan. Holy mother of gumbo, she's that sensitive on her back. I wonder if her not-even-a-handful of previous lovers had any clue.

And then we flip, me on my back, her straddling my cock with her jeans warmed by what is obviously a pussy that needs immediately attention. We're kissing and the next thing I know, I feel tits on my chest, and not the feel of her black satin bra. My hands trace up from her still-covered thighs to her sides up past her surprisingly large and soft tits, ending up on her shoulder.

I use my nails (not long but not short) to dig into the bottom of her back, and forcefully tear them up her back, bringing forth a moan/groan that sounds different in Spanish than it would in English. I'm in real trouble here, folks.

And still she kisses me, taking in every nerve ending on my tongue and my lips and my face, while my nails dig, my fists massage, my fingers push and dance on her back. Latin lovers have always ruined me for the Gringo ladies, I just forget when I don't have one in my life.

I can't tolerate her pussy grinding on my cock still hidden in my jeans, so we roll over again. "I'm so wet" she tells me, not having to as I can smell her pussy through panties and jeans. I stare at her eyes and she asks if I want to check if she's right. I know she is, and I really don't want to rush it, but this gal is going to explode and I don't have enough towels to clean it up.

I make my way down her chest, skipping her nipples as usual and kissing softly down her stomach, which is gaining goosebumps. I decide to throw her off and plant a soft kiss on the one section I know is too ticklish. She laughs, but she doesn't break her stride as it turns into a moan as I venture lower.

Her belly is cute: tight, flat, solid, but still feminine. I could spend hours on it (and I probably will if she decides to visit me again). I make my way down to the edge of her jeans and pull them down slightly, still fully buttoned and zipped. Her panties, white and black, are obviously soaking in her lube, so I kiss past their edge to the start of her nicely trimmed and perfect pubic hair.

She can't stand it, and I can't stand it either. I kneel between her legs, unbutton and unzip her jeans, place each hand to one side of her jeans just below her hips and tear them off. Clean in 10 seconds. I wanted her to remove them, but I don't think she was thinking clearly.

Now her jeans are off, so I snuggle up against her pussy, covered by her thin black-and-white panties. They're soaked straight through, but I lightly kiss her thighs without tickling, run my big schnoz across her covered clit "accidentally" eliciting an awesome moan, and kiss around her panties in every part of skin imaginable.

She's done for, and now I can do what I want. If I wanted to fuck her in her pussy, she'd have come instantly. I could have fucked her in the ass and she'd probably still come. I might be making this story sound like I had her fully under control, but I think the reality is that she had me mesmerized. I want to hear this polyglot come, wondering what language it'll come out as.

The panties come off and are thrown over the bed. Her pussy is gorgeous. I force her thighs wider, and her pussy lips are fully engorged and spread, her large clit is visibly throbbing, and she's soaked. The sun is still out, and it is causing her to glisten like the frothy head of a bottle of blow-bubbles.

No teasing is needed at this point, but I lick her full pussy lips and bring them farther apart magically. I lick her pubic hair above her clit, lick the inside of her pussy lips listening to her moan, feeling her sopping wet ocean of lust pressing against my face for me.

Her hands are on my head, pulling me in, so I go for it. My tongue hits her clit and she's grunting, her back is arching, she's practically begging.

I don't let off, I don't go easy. She's beyond the point of any foreplay doing anything other than causing her to pull my hair out if I don't swallow her load in the next 30 seconds.

I misunderstand her say "STOP!" while I'm swallowing drops of her lube as its pouring out, so I back off. She grabs my hair, hard, and pulls me back. "I said DON'T STOP" she quietly yells, so I dig back in, impressed by how good she tastes, and pleased that her big clit is even bigger as I pull it between my lips.

And that's that... "I'm going to come" she says, and a few moments later, she does. I don't let off, tickling and sucking and pushing against her clit as waves of orgasm fuck through her body. My face is SOAKED, my beard is wet, her thighs are clenching and releasing my head, her hands are all over the bed. She keeps coming, I keep prodding to try to get every last ounce of come out of her and into my awaiting mouth.

Finally, she's done. She softly pushes my mouth from her pussy, and out of nowhere grabs my head, bends over and puts her mouth on my mouth, on her own come. "Mmmmm, your face is covered in come," she says.

To be continued in Part III.

More "Sex" with Delecta tonight

Over the past few days, Delecta and I decided we would regroup for another round of stuffing our pieholes with good food, maybe good drink.

We're picking a restaurant that gets rave reviews for their large beer selection and HUGE selection of pork products made fresh in-house.

Considering the proto-orgasm that we both had, simultaneously last time, I'm looking forward to more good food, more cherished and hilarious conversation, and quite possibly another night where we both adjourn to bed, fulfilled, flush and exhausted.

The end is the means

Auto-posted at 2:00pm as I am on a flight from Europe back to Chicago.

Kari and I spent that night together, but we didn't fuck. Oral sex was good to both, really good if you consider how few women can make me come from a blowjob. I slept in her bed but woke up much earlier than her. It's a blessing and a curse for me: 3 hours of sleep and I'm revved to start my day.

It sucks when it's the first night over at a dame's place, though. I don't want to be "that guy" who gives a gal a good time and then shovels off before she awakens. Note that even with booty calls and friends-with-benefits, I'm still a gentleman out of the bedroom. I woke up at sunrise feeling a lot of pain in my bruised side. I turned over and looked to see Kari still sleeping, her blanket pulled up to her belly, her perfect tits and gorgeous long neck showing minor signs of my come from not many hours ago.

She's pretty, but not stunning, but she sleeps smiling, and that's a pleasure to wake up to. I get up and her hardwood floors creak, so I use my silent-walk technique to get myself to the kitchen to scrounge up some food. Her fridge isn't too packed and neither is her freezer, so I ring up my assistant who happens to be in the city and ask her to pick up some eggs, cheese, a tomato, an onion and a package of mushrooms. 45 minutes later and my assistant is meeting me out front on this cold spring day.

I find her frying pan (which needs a mean cleaning) and some oil (which I am hoping isn't rancid) and whip up an omelette (4 egg, thankyouverymuch). I sit in her living room window, grab the notepad and pencil that my assistant brought me, and take the notes that cover the journal leading to now.

Where am I going with this? Is she going to be my first one night stand, or is she looking for a lover for those lonely summer nights? Will she booty call me (I haven't done the booty call thing in 2 years) or will be be friends with benefits, or just friends who never approach the bedroom again?

It doesn't really matter, but I find myself enamored with her body. She has the shoulders and neck and back and arms that I love on a woman; her belly is almost perfect. She's confident and studious, works a regular job for regular pay, and isn't too spend-thrifty. She won't be a sugar-baby because she doesn't care for material things like I do.

At about 10am, I hear her get up. Walls shake from the floor that creaks, so I stand up and walk to the kitchen to get the frying pan going again. A little oil (ok, a lot of oil), crack the first egg and there she is: wearing new panties but also wearing my dress shirt from the night before. Women, I know it's cliché but wearing a man's shirt is hotter than hell. It's an ego stroke to end all ego strokes (other than bragging to your friends about us).

She has a smile on her face, asks me what I'm doing. I'm making you breakfast. "That makes it two for two then." Huh? "Most guys don't make me come the first time we fool around, and no one makes me breakfast." I guess you'd hungry, right? "Sure."

I slice up some more tomato and onions, drizzle oil on the mushrooms, and toss up a perfect omelette a few feet in the air as I flip it to completion. A little cheese (read: lot) and flip it onto her plate.

My shirt is unbuttoned on her body, and it's making Little Fire Hydrant perk up a little. I'm wearing my jeans, but I don't want to be uncomfortable so I start thinking about what I should do today. I'm on a break from a hellacious winter work schedule, with no major travel plans ahead. Money is good, plans with family are set, most of my friends are busy with family and work, so I have as much time as she has for me to stick around.

"So," she said, chomping down her omelette gracefully. So? "I think we should fuck." Ok, I agree with that. "No, I mean after I brush my teeth." Uh oh, LFH bounces up a bit more. "Do you have condoms?" Of course I do. "Let me finish this and you can meet me in the bedroom." I didn't say I agree to this idea. "You will." She removes my dress shirt and lets it fall to the floor. She wins.

She gets up, her tits even better than I had expected, and strolls to the bathroom to scrub that morning breath from her mouth. I already took care of brushing my teeth (my overnight medicine bag has it all). I watch her stroll out of the bathroom and remove her panties in the hallway as she disappears into her bedroom. I grab my medicine bag, double-check to make sure my favorite condom is at the ready, and head on it.

She under the covers, which is a bit of a thrill killer. But she's smiling, which balances it well. A sexy woman with a sexy smile basically tell me to get inside of her is probably the hottest thing a woman can do, short of wearing glasses. I get into bed, crawl under the covers, and she immediately rolls over to her side to clench her body against mine, her head on my chest.

"I said it last night, I don't want a boyfriend." I know, that's a good thing. "Let me say that I haven't had a lot of guys I've fucked, but they all get emotionally attached and annoy me quickly." I won't. Who's to say you won't be the one to get all weak-kneed for me? "Maybe I will."

She turns her face up and I bend my chin down and we try to kiss. It didn't work as well as it does in the movie, but I like kissing her. I like knowing this beautiful and sexy lady wants my dick in her.

We kiss for quite awhile, her hand stroking my cock readily without my prompting. The gal can kiss, that's for sure. And her moans are ambrosia to this lover's ears and body. My hands dance playfully on her body and I find her spots are her neck, her back just under her shoulder-blades, her forearms and her legs just below her hips.

"I want your dick in my mouth again," she says. I nod my head no, letting her know non-verbally that I want to save it for her pussy. I flip onto my back and pull her on top of me, my cock throbbing between my belly and hers. She pulls her hair out of my face and smiles at me, causing me to smile back. Then I laugh, which makes her laugh, too. Laughter in bed really is funny. And sexy.

We kiss some more, my hands in her hair and her hands in my hair, then she pulls back again. "I should let you know, I don't ever come from penetration." Never? "Never." Do you get close? "Sometimes." What breaks it? "I don't know." Willing to work on it, seriously work on it? "I want to, but seriously sounds scary." Give me some time and we'll find a way to do it.

With that, she crawls her face down my chest to my belly, my thighs, and envelopes my cock in her mouth. I moan, and she strokes my cock with her two hands below the head while popping the head in and out of her mouth, keeping her tongue on the parts that matter. The gal is really good at this. She'd get a mouthful every day if it was up to me.

After a good ten minutes of fantastic sloppy head, I pull her face off of me. She resists a bit, really liking my cock hitting the back of her throat. A few times she almost had her face buried in my pubes, but she gagged enough that she had to withdraw. I know she's one who can overcome that gag reflex, which means some furious and aggressive throat-fucking to come. Lucky me.

I pull her up to me and roll her over, pushing her shoulders down. I want to get on her back so badly, but she pushes my head to one nipple and screams at me to lick it. I do, but I still tease enough that she pulls my cheeks down to it against my will. The more I fight, the more she moans. My hands are on her forearms and her back, eliciting moan after moan.

"I think you need to fuck me now." I think I need to lick your pussy and clit for a half hour. "No, I need your cock inside me."

While she is straddling me, my cock laying on top of her shaven pubes, I reach over and grab my medicine bag. As I reach for a condom, the bag topples over to the floor, spilling the entire contents across the hardwood. Shit. She laughs, as do I.

I get between her legs, on my knees, and stroke my cock a little bit more to regain the hardness I like for penetration. It's not as hard as it can be, but that's LFH for you. I'm not nervous, and she spreads her pussy and tickles her clit herself while I open the condom, squeeze the tip, and unroll it over my cock.

Her eyes are on me, not on my dick. I push her hand away from her pussy and rub my cock her across her lips and lightly on her clit, which is fully engorged and ready for a good licking. She smiles as I tease her, battling my tease with her own goading glances. I put my cock between her pussy lips, the head just barely penetrating them and look at her. She nods. As I push in slowly, I realize she is completely soaked, but her pussy lips are full enough to prevent major spillage. Her smile retreats and her eyes open nearly to the point of bugging out.

"Fuck, that's thicker than it looks" she says as I slip the cock head in finally. "Ohhhh, fuck that's good." Yes, tell me that. "I love it, put more in." I need to hear that you really want it. "Ohhh I really want it" she says as I slide another inch inside.

"Fuck, put it all in." I refuse, putting only the first three inches inside of her, then pulling out to make sure she's wet enough. "No, put it back in" she implores as I pull out almost entirely.

She grabs my hips and pulls me, and I give her a little power as I slide back in, only 3 inches. Her pussy is wet and fairly tight, paying the rent expected from my cock landlord. "God damn, put it all the way in." I nod my head no, smiling nefariously as her eyes pop out again when I give it a little more penetration than before. "Yes, like that. Please fuck me." Why? "I need it, so bad."

I push in further, spreading her legs a bit more on the bed and laying my own body on top of hers. "Oh God please more." I pull out again, grabbing her biceps in my hands as I kiss her. Her eyes are still opened as I push in another inch, leaving the final inch outside.

"Ohhhh my" she moans. I love her verbal openness. My cock is now almost entirely inside of her, but her moans cause it to get thicker than usual. "Oh fuck, I can feel you stretching me." I look at her eyes, which are open but dazed.

I pull my cock out almost entirely, leaving just the head in. I pull one hand down from her shoulder, lick my thumb, and put my hand flat on her belly with my thumb on her clit. "Oh God, yes. Please fuck me now." I abide by her request and push my cock in, feeling it thicken at the looks she's giving me, at the "O" shape of her mouth that wants to speak or moan but can't.

I still don't give it all to her. I leave the last inch out, but she doesn't know it. I pick up the pace, leaving my thumb barely touching her clit, almost no pressured contact, just warmth and touch. "God I needed this, I needed your dick so bad." I'm fucking her faster now, still refusing to push entirely in.

"Yes, fuck me, Sane." Do you like my cock? "Ohh, I love it." You know it's in your pussy, right? "Oh God yes, it's amazing." We kiss, me temporarily withdrawing my hand from her clit as I embrace her face. We kiss, and I slowly penetrate and withdraw, forcing myself to withhold from entering her fully.

As we kiss, I nuzzle my cheek to her cheek, kissing her cheek, forcing her to kiss mine. I let her kiss my chin, my nose, my mouth as I continue to pummel her slowly and softly.

As I return my finger to her clit, I realize just how wet she is. She's loving every minute of this. I give it a little tickle, just a touch of pressure. Her eyes close as I push into her, stretching her, while giving her clit just enough attention to make her feel filled and attended to.

She's biting her lip, moving her head to one side as I continue my rhythm, trying to find the rhythm that she needs. I continue to thumb her clit, and suddenly her pelvic bone is pushing against me in rhythm to my cock falling into her. That's just the sign I need. Instead of pressing harder on her clit with my thumb, I push down on her pubic bone, right under her pubic hair. I massage her clit still gently with my thumb, but the pressure on her pubic bone causes her eyes to open, she screams "My God, don't stop" and then closes her eyes again.

As I push onto her pubic bone, I thrust my cock into her, still refraining from giving her the last inch. She starts making moaning noises, and her hips are thrusting back at me, knowing subconsciously themselves that there is more there to conquer. I pull out entirely and slide back in, pushing down on her pubic bone with each thrust, removing pressure a little with each withdrawal.

"Fuck, don't stop, please don't stop." I say nothing and continue the rhythm, the pressure on and off, the penetration and withdrawal, increasing the speed at which my thumb is circling her clit, but not increasing the pressure yet.

Finally she gets there "Oh fuck, I'm coming, please, please." I laugh a little inside, wondering what she's begging for. Her clit pushes up at my, and only then do I push back with my thumb. I also push down on her pubic bone as hard as I can, finally pushing my cock all the way into her, completely. "Ohhh fuck yes, fuck fuck fuck, yes, God yes." I stop fucking her, at least I don't withdraw anymore. Instead, I push my cock as deep as possible, holding her hip with one hand, keeping my cock as far in as possible.

My other hand is pushing her pubic bone down, my thumb is pushing and releasing against her clit in the exact rhythm I was fucking her before. I keep my cock pressed inside of her, and feel her body quake. Her chin is aimed at the ceiling, her face tipped backwards, her tits are up as her back arches. I keep my cock pushed in, but I withdraw the pressure on her clit. I still keep my hand pressed against her pubic bone, as her hips push back. My cock is soaked.

Finally she comes down. "Oh God no, I'm I'm" I look up and her eyes are filled with tears. No sad tears or happy tears, just emotional release. "I'm sorry" she says as she closes her eyes, pushing tears down both sides of her temples. I laugh a little, release my hand from her hips and clit, grasp her shoulders and put my chest on hers as I nuzzle into her neck.

"Oh God I didn't think THAT would happen." I chuckle again, saying nothing.

She takes 15 minutes to come down entirely. My cock is still hard, still inside her. Finally, she lets out a final strong breath. "Ok, wow. Just. Wow." I smile as she sees me watching her face.

"Shit, did you come?" I nod my head no. "Oh crap. I don't think I can handle anymore fucking." I smile and nod and begin to pull out of her. "NO. Don't pull out, just don't push in yet. I think I'm sore." Hah!

"Holy crap, what the hell were you doing to me?" Nothing, just investigating your body. "No, I mean that crazy shit with your hand on my pubes." Oh, just seeing what brings you off. "Fuck yeah, you can do that shit always. I love it."

We kiss again, and I fight hard not to fuck her. At this point, I could actually pound the hell out of her for 2 hours, she was that sexy and gorgeous when she came on my cock. But I can tell she's sore, I was letting her pussy adjust to my cock by not giving her all of it, and then I gave her the last inch pushing past her adjustment/comfort phase. It's a cheating trick, for sure.

"I want you to come." I'm actually OK. "No, it's not fair." How many times has a guy fucked you, come, and left you without anything? "Always. Well, often." So what's wrong if we consider the job done here this morning, and I'll get a little extra attention next time? "It's not fair to you." I just got to fuck you, I got to see your first good orgasm from a cock, I had my cock in your mouth for 10 minutes, what's the problem? "You need to come." How about I take a rain check? "Did you lose respect for me?" I laugh LOUDLY. Fuck no! I'm just happy with what we just had.

"Are you sure?" Yes, I'm sure! "I can suck you off again." I know you can, but I'm honestly OK.

I withdraw. My cock is still hard and she doesn't believe me. I'm honest when I say that orgasm is not the end result. Fucking isn't the end result. The end isn't justified by the means, the means are what matter. We had sex, really good sex. Not for very long, not very hard and hot and heavy, just a good fucking. She needed it, and I wanted to be the one to give it to her.

Sure, I'm horny, but that doesn't mean I have to satiate my desires right now. For me, I was just happy to please her. If it happens again, and I know it will, she'll get her chance to give me something and not get anything in return. Until then, we'll be pals. Good pals, I hope, but pals first. The next fucking can wait for another day.

Fiends with Benefits, Part III

Auto-posted at 1pm while I am on a flight somewhere over the Atlantic. More auto-posts coming, and I'll be returning tomorrow evening.

This is the final part of a 3-part series. You can read the first part here.

She unlocked the door to her apartment and we walked in. It's a nice place with common hardwood floors, off-white walls, and a touch of color from the curtains and furniture that brings her living room together. She doesn't have a lot of stuff, which is very attractive.

I ask if she lives alone. "I do, now. I had a roommate but she had a revolving door of shady guys she'd bring home. When the last guy stole some things from me, I told her she needed to find a new place." How do you afford it? "My parents help, since I'm still in school." I'm glad she's honest about her parents helping. I think it's a good thing for parents to help a student. "Me too," she laughs.

I sit on her big green couch and she runs to the bedroom. I hear the tap-tap-tap of an animal running into the room. It's a little tiny hound of some kind, medium brown with gorgeous eyes. "This is Cheval, he's 4." Cheval? Like from doucheval? "That's right!" It means two horses in French. "Haha, I know." He runs up to me and stares at me, not growling or barking. Just staring.

I pat my hand on the couch and his tail turns into a wag-fest. "Be careful, he doesn't like guys." He'll like me. All dogs love me. He wags his tail and then his little frame gets frustrated as it runs back and forth, trying to figure out how to get onto the couch. "He's not good at jumping." I reach down to grab him and his tail goes CRAZY. "Careful, he's a nipper." I call his name and grab him under his chest. No nipping, he hops right into my lap as I lift him up.

"Wow. Chevy never likes guys so quickly." I give him the alpha male stare and talk to him in my deepest basso voice. His tail his wagging and his face is between his front paws. Cute. "You must love dogs." Actually, I do, but I don't tend to have many in my life. Dogs are great pets, but all pets can get in the way of excitement and travel. "That's true. My folks watch him often if I have a busy schedule at school." That's good to know.

It's also exciting to me. I tend to not date women with dogs only because it has fucked up chances of last minute travel. It's not a hard and fast rule, but I've followed it fairly well. Knowing her folks are around to watch this little mutt increases her chances of something with me, whatever that might be.

She comes back with a beer for her and a glass of vodka on the rocks for me. "My ex-roommate left a bottle in the freezer, I hope it's not spoiled." I laugh, vodka doesn't spoil. "Oh, I guess that makes sense." We clink glasses and she sits down next to me, with Chevy in between us.

"Anything you want to watch particularly?" I don't have a TV, so just throw on whatever is on TV. She zaps the TV on and some sitcom I've never heard of is on. "You don't have a TV?" I do, but it's not plugged in. I use it to dry hand-washed shirts. She laughs, a LOT. Chevy looks at her and then back at me and his tail goes crazy again. I put my hand on his head and rub his temples. Her beer bottle returns to the table and her hand lands on to of mine. Chevy's tail goes crazy.

We watch whatever show it is, and I laugh a bunch. It's well written, and the timing of the actors is perfect. Kari keeps glancing at me, and after the show is over, she puts her back into the corner of the couch and looks at me. Chevy is asleep but he'll open his eye every once in awhile to give me the side-glance and wag his tail a few inches back and forth.

"So, tell me more about you." What do you want to know? "Do you have any plans this summer?" Not really. Some travel, visit with my folks, see friends, do some writing. "Do you travel alot?" Yes. "For writing?" Absolutely. "That's so interesting!" It's OK. It's a job. "I think most people would want that job."

Maybe. I turn my body into the opposite corner of the couch and we look at each other, both of us smiling. Kari lifts up Chevy and puts him on the chair. "That's HIS chair, never sit there." I would never even consider it. She sits back down and lays her her against my chest and her hand touches my ribs. My body bounches back a bit. "Oh, did you not want me laying on you?" No, not at all. I have a little injury there, that's all. "Injury?" I fell into a wooden fence, I lied. "Oh is it bad?" No, just bruised.

I have my hand on her hair and then it falls to the back of her neck. She moans. I look at her and she's blushing. "Sorry, that's umm, sorta..." your spot? "Yeah." She blushes again. My hand leaves her neck and my fingers play on her back. "Ohhh, I love my back touched." Who doesn't? Another half hour of it and I can tell she's got goosebumps. Her light moans are an incredible turn-on and Little Fire Hydrant decides to wake up. She's laying on me, so I'm sure she notices.

In response, she rolls herself over and grabs my shoulders, repositioning me better on the couch. She crawls up my chest and puts her hands on my neck and cheek and kisses me. It's a great kiss, not much tongue, not inhaling or exhaling. She kisses 50 times better than Lena does. It's obvious the girl is passionate.

As we kiss, she straddles my jeans. I can feel her warmth against me and I'm sure she can feel my cock straining through the jeans. Whenever I kiss her cheek or her chin, she moans. My hands tease her neck, too, and my fingers run through her soft brown hair and end up on her shoulder, teasing her neck by barely touching it. She's writhing a bit, grinding a bit, kissing her way down my neck to my neckbone as she unbuttons my shirt slowly.

She pulls my shirt off my shoulders and kissing my shoulder and my bicep. "You don't look that muscular but you seem so strong." Muscles don't mean strength. She pulls my shirt down further and unbuttons it completely down as she kisses her way down my chest to my belly. I'm a bit hairy on the front but she's not concerned. As she pulls my shirt away from my ribs, she sees the 9 inch bruise on it. "HOLY FUCK." What's wrong? "That's not from a fence!" The bruise is actually 4 bruises all in the same general area.

"Did you get punched?" No, I fell on a fence. "Don't lie. I dated a football player in college, I know bruises from falling and crashing into bodies. It looks like you were punched 3 times!" Ok, I lied. It's from a fist. "What the hell happened?" I was sparring with a friend of mine, he was teaching me some new moves. "Sparring? You fight?" Only to stay in shape. "That's bullshit, what happened!"

I tell her that's the truth. "You do this often?" Only when he's in town. He's a fast, skinny strong guy who teaches me to be able to defend myself. "Wow, that's really sexy." Her lips softly kiss my bruise without eliciting a response of pain. I have my hands on her head, running my fingers on her scalp which brings forth a series of moans. I run my fingers through her hair softly, ending up on her neck and then her back through her shirt.

She sits up and pulls my shoulders forward so she can get my shirt off. As she throws it onto the coffee table, she pulls her own T-shirt off. I look at her face, not her tits, but she puts her hand on my chin and tilts my head down. "You can look at me you know." I know, but I like your face. "You're a tease. You know I had NO idea you found me attractive? At least look at my body once in awhile." I did, I'm just good at hiding it. "Tease."

In honesty, her body is great. She's a 32B, almost perfect. Her tummy is flat and her hips are fantastic. As she puts her mouth on mine again, I play my fingers on her back and on her hips. She's grinding heavier now, and my cock is really wanting to get out of my jeans. As our tongues battle and we nibble on each other's chins and necks and earlobes, I softly run my fingers from the bottom of her back up to her bra strap. She moans louder than ever and pulls her face away from mine and stares into my eyes. With that, I unsnap her bra strap in 2 seconds. She reaches up to push her shoulder straps off and her bra falls to my belly off her arms, past her hands. Her tits are PERFECT.

"You like?" I look into her eyes and nod. Again she grabs my chin and forces me to look at her chest. In response, I move a hand up from her hip, up her ribcage slowly, and trace the outline of her breast without coming close to her nipple. She moans. She climbs up higher on my pelvic bone and throws her tits right at my mouth. Instead of licking or biting, I open mouth kiss the area between her boobs and then run my tongue in a wide circle around one breast, staying far away from her nipples.

She moans, a long moan that finishes in "teeease." I grab her shoulders, pull her back and in one motion push her to the couch on her back. Her hand runs up her side and she grabs a nipple lightly, but I pull her hand away, putting her fingers in my mouth. Another moan.

I look in her eyes and she how pretty she is like this, completely at ease but turned on beyond expectations. "Do you want to go to bed?" Maybe. "Maybe?" I don't fuck on a first date, and I don't sleep around and do one night stands. "Neither do I." Also, I'm not looking for a girlfriend, and I don't want to lead you on. "You're so much fun and exciting, but I don't want a boyfriend either. We don't have to have sex, but my couch is really lumpy and small." It is, I laugh. She laughs back.

She pushes me off of her and stands up. Perfect tits. She sees me watching her so she runs her hands from her shoulders down to her nipples and down her flat belly, her thumbs finally resting on the top of her jeans. Then she unbuttons her jeans, turns and walks to the bedroom. I stand still, and she turns around, smiles, and bites her bottom lip. Little Fire Hydrant jumps again and she notices.

I follow her into her bedroom and she douses the light, leaving only the light from her kitchen softly bouncing into the bedroom through the hallway. She unzips her jeans and rolls them to the floor. "You can take yours off if you're comfortable. I promise I won't fuck you, too much at least." I listen and unbutton my button fly and toss the jeans on top of her hamper.

She gets into bed and under the sheets, the bedroom colder than the rest of the house because of the small window facing an alley. I climb into bed with her and we embrace, kissing deeply. She moans so much, I know this one is going to be fireworks in bed. She pushes her leg outwards and forces it under my thighs, bringing me between her legs. My cock popped out of my boxer hole and is pressing up against her panties, which are obviously wet with desire.

And her damn dog is in the bedroom, running around trying to find a way to hop on the bed. Oops.

We kiss more, our hands playing on our bodies. Her moans are intimidating, but as my mouth finds more of her body, they just get deeper and lower. Her hips are really sensitive, so I am careful not to tickle her. Her knees are ticklish to, so I avoid them as I work down to her ankles and feet. I bite down a bit on the side of her foot and she moans at that, but doesn't jerk away.

I work my way back up her body, avoiding her pussy and her tits. I kiss her again and she grabs my shoulder and rolls me over to my back. She works her magical mouth on me, not avoiding my nipples. As she kisses my belly, her hand grabs my cock. "Oh, it's beautiful. You're thick." I say nothing as she slowly strokes my cock and licks my belly and then my thigh. My cock is inches from her face and she strokes it, watching it in the light as it gets harder.

"I have to suck your dick, really badly." I look down at her and smile, not resisting. She licks it from the base closest to my balls, licking around the shaft slowly. I moan and put my hands in her hands to caress her scalp and hair without forcing her to do anything specific. As her tongue plays on my cock, it gets even harder than earlier. I moan when she licks the underside of the head and then she runs her tongue up the head to lick up my precome. "Mmm, not bad at all" she says. I moan my response and then she widens her mouth and takes the head in.

I don't come from blow jobs, almost never. But she's popping my cock in and out of her mouth, getting the head in and using her tongue as it penetrates her mouth to caress the underside of my head. She's VERY good at this, and I'm really happy about it.

She caresses my balls but I push her hands away. "Too sensitive?" she asks, and I nod my head. My hands push her mouth back onto my cock as she struggles to get more of it in her mouth. I grab her neck more and give it a little pressure, letting my cock push deeper into her mouth. Finally I hit the back of her tongue and she gags. "Fuck, that thing has gotten thicker! What the hell?" I laughed and then force her mouth back on it, pushing again to the back of her mouth. Another gag.

"I don't think it's going further than that, not without practice." Oh, so you want to practice more in the future? "Fuck yeah! I want this thing in me, by the way. Are you sure you don't want to fuck?" I do want to fuck, but I think we shouldn't do it tonight. Let's go out again and figure out if we're right for that. "Ok, but I had so much fun, I don't think you're going to hurt me and I'm not going to hurt you." Just suck my cock and shut up.

She complies, bobbing her head up and down my cockhead, trying to get it deeper in her mouth without gagging. Every time she gags, she takes a deep breath and goes back to it. Good gal. I'm shocked that I feel my balls tingling, a sure sign that I'll come. Blow job orgasms NEVER happen for me, but she's really enthusiastic about sucking me off. As I get closer, I pull her hair up so my cock pops out of her mouth.

"What's wrong?" I'm close. "It's OK, I want you to finish." In your mouth? "Sure, you taste really good, I'm not afraid of it." She puts her lips back on my cock and picks up speed to match my pulling and pushing on her neck and hair and scalp. Less than 5 minutes later, I tighten up and I feel her mouth get wider. Her hands grab my cock at the base and on the shaft and start pumping with her mouth just open.

I come, shooting my first arrow straight down her throat. That causes her to gag BIG time so my cock falls out of her and she coughs from my load. The rest of my come hits her chin and her neck and some of it lands on my cock and my belly. "Damn, I wasn't expecting it to be so strong!" I laugh and she licks up what is on her chin using her finger and then cleans off my cock with her tongue. "What the hell, you taste really good. I can do that again." She looks at my cock as I come down from my orgasm and it's still mostly hard. "I guess you can, too." I laugh and she laughs, crawling up my body, my boxers still down at my thighs.

"I think we should fuck, soon. Maybe?" Definitely. She kisses me, the taste of my come on her tongue still. My cock gets harder from the kisses and she starts stroking it again. "This is good." Yeah? "You're going to fuck my brains out aren't you?" If you keep talking like that I will. "You're going to fuck my wet pussy and make me come, right?" More than once. "Haha, one is good enough and usually all I have." Trust me, my cock in your pussy for the long haul will do wonders. She strokes me more, "I know."

We keep kissing, me on my back, her straddling my hips. I grab her ass and pull it upwards on my body. Her eyes widen and I smile, pushing her hips up to my belly then past my chest. I tell her to stand up and pull off her panties. She stands, but is a little wobbly on her old mattress. She pulls her underwear off and I stare at her pussy. She shaves but hasn't in at least a week, leaving me the impression she wasn't expecting to get here tonight. That's VERY attractive, plus I like a little bit extra there on occasion. More natural and fun.

Her dog sees her standing, and yelps a few times to get her attention. She ignores him, which is good because I've been with dog owners who COMPLETELY lose their train of thought with the ole mutt in the room.

"Now kneel over my tongue and get that gorgeous pussy of yours on me." She smiles and kneels over my head, still wobbly but stabilizes as I put my hand on her ass cheeks and guide her pussy to my face.

Her lips are fairly big, but her clit is beautiful. She's definitely past the foreplay stage and ready to be fucked, no doubt. Instead, I tease her pussy by using my tongue to pull her lips apart, licking the inside of her lips while avoiding her clit and her pussy hole. She moans, her hands on my forehead and pulling on my hair.

She thrusts her hips a few times, suffocating me a bit as I pinch her ass to get her to back off a bit. Her pussy tastes good, and she's incredibly wet. I keep teasing, running my tongue from back to front, barely glancing off her large clit. I keep pulling her pussy apart, running my tongue into it, around it. I take her lips into my mouth, and then her clit is surrounding by my lips, but just barely.

She bucks a bit, moans a LOT. Good thing her roommate moved out. Her hands are pulling on my hair and squeezing my forehead as she rocks onto my tongue and lips. I use my nose to push into her clit harder this time and she lets out a little scream. "Eat me" she commands, and I do, finally taking her clit into my lips and using my tongue to push up against it gently, but just with enough force to get her really moving.

Her pussy juices are streaming into my beard, her thighs are compressing against the sides of my face, and her clit is popping in and out of my mouth with a great rhythm.

"Oh fuck, like that don't stop" she screams as I start sucking on her clit and massaging her ass to the rhythm of her face-fucking me. "Yes, yes suck it don't stop" she screams as her hips push HARD into my face, her clit throbbing in my mouth and against my tongue. I run my finger across her asshole to tickle it a little and she comes, hard.

"Oh god yes suck me, suck my pussy, I'm coming." I love it when a girl is vocal. A woman SHOULD tell a guy she's there. I hate those quiet orgasms, they bore me. She wasn't faking it as her pussy unleased more of her juices into my mouth, down my chin, down my bearded cheeks. Her pussy lips slammed against my mouth and chin as I finished sucking her clit just before the point of being too sensitive.

As she finished I backed off, opening my mouth and withdrawing my tongue so she could grind her clit into my mouth at her pressure level. Not too rough, just enough to get the rest of her orgasm out. Finally, she collapses to my right, falling over with her forearm on her forehead, wiping sweat in this cold room. "God damn it." I look at her and ask what? "Damn it. If you can eat pussy like that, I really have to know what your cock feels like inside of me." Ok. "Now?" No. She looks at my cock which is just as hard as when it was in her mouth. "You look like you can go again." I can.

"Crawl onto my tits now." Huh? "Straddle my tits. I want to watch you jerk off on me." I comply, straddling her gorgeous breasts. She pushes them together, giving me a little more to work with as I stick my cock between them. A few pushes and it gets harder. She glances down and tells me to stroke it for her.

And I do. She's just dirty-talking enough to keep me really horny. I stare at her face and know I'll be covering it in my come. Maybe not this time, but sometime. Her eyes are wide and her lips mouth the words I like to hear. I stroke my cock for a good ten minutes, pushing it between her lips often to get it lubed. As I start to moan, she asks me to come.

I ask her where. "Anywhere." Tell me. "On my tits, my neck." Just there? "On my chin, in my mouth, just come for me." I do, sending my first stream across her neck. She opens her mouth a bit, and I aim for it but completely miss her face and land another stream across her shoulder onto her pillow. She turns her face to try to catch it, and the third stream hits the back of her cheek as I always compensated for my bad aim. She turns her face towards me and I push my cock up to her tongue and send the final load down her tongue. I tell her not to swallow it. She smiles and sticks her tongue out, my come dripping off of it down onto her neck.

You can spit it out. She say "uhh uhh" and she smiles and shakes her head no. Her tongue pulls back into her mouth and she makes an obvious over-acting job of swallowing what little I gave her. "Mmm, definitely can use more of that. You can come in my mouth anytime." Yeah?

I pull up next to her, forgetting about my own come on her pillow which now is embedded in the back of my hair. Oops. She cuddles up to me, pulls close to me and straddles one of her legs between mine. My cock is still semi hard and she notices, asking me if I'm sure I don't want to fuck her. "Not tonight."

We talk more, and at some point we both fall asleep. Eventually she goes to the bathroom, so I turn over. When she returns, she spoons up to me, my back to her front, and we fall asleep until the next morning awakens me early.

Kari ended up being my fiend with benefits for most of 2008. More on that to come in a future journal entry from my past.

Fighting over a woman's orgasm

Auto-Posted at noon since I am likely on a flight somewhere in South America.

I was chatting with someone last night who made the assumption that most women I've been with fake their first orgasm, or many of their initial orgasms, with me. Rather than battle with her over the specifics, I shrugged her off. There's no use in arguing with anyone who hasn't actually been in the bedroom (or the car, or the bathroom, or wherever it happens first). Myself included.

A woman's orgasm has NEVER been my goal in sex. My own orgasm isn't the goal, either. As I've reiterated time and time again, I want passionat people in my life, not sexual people necessarily. I can read a person's passion very quickly through body mannerisms and how they look at things. Most women have zero chance of getting into bed with me, they're cold and frigid and don't know what they're missing. No loss to either of us.

Sex is, for me, an awesome tool to display my passion for a woman. Sometimes that passion comes from having a really good date; other times that passion can come directly from our bodies' mutual needs for the other's. It can come from excitement over something fantastic that happened in our lives, it can come from something really sad. Passion is an odd thing, not really good and not really bad. I guess I could say soulfully-driven rather than passionate, both interchangable to some degree.

When a woman takes me to bed, and almost always it's that way and not the other way around, it very rarely is about sex. Clothes come off, bodies meld, mouths groan, fluids are thrown about, but it isn't the sex that drives us to want to be there. I love to fuck, sometimes hard and long and loudly, sure, but I prefer to try to increase the desire a woman has for me even more, and vice versa. Orgasm can be awesome, but increasing your desire is even better. I prefer to be a little frustrated, even, and want her more. I want her to want me more, too.

When it comes to my ministrations, most of my readers know my routine: tease, tease, tease. I want her getting my clothes off (the lovely, sexy lady in DC ripped my shirt off, not me). I want her touching my body. I want her kissing me deeper than I kiss her. I want her pulling, pushing, shoving, grinding. It's a sign of her passion, her desire. I don't want her laying there, frigid or bored.

The hotter both of us are, the better our orgasm will be, if we get there. In my history of lovers, I know of at least one who faked her first orgasm. It was obviously fake. I called her out on it laughingly, telling her she could do better. She caved and admitted she did it because she was nervous. I told her that nervousness, to me, means she wasn't ready and wanting it enough. She disagreed, but a few weeks later when we tried it again, the nervousness was gone and her orgasm was real. Then she agreed that I was right: it wasn't that she wasn't ready or wanting it, she just hadn't wanted it as badly as she did this night.

Her orgasms from that point forward were awesome, inspiring, passionate, and fun. If I was going down on her or I was banging away, she'd start them off by putting one hand out onto my abs or my hip, not pushing away, but not grabbing either. Sort of like a bumper for me to touch. Then her voice would get a little grunty. When she came, she'd kick her head back and then push off of me. Penetration for the next 5 minutes was unacceptable. She didn't even want me to touch her. I loved her orgasm, and we fucked even more because of it.

I can contrast that to the orgasm of some recent lovers who were less vocal and less physical. It doesn't bother me if a woman is quieter in her orgasm: some have years of experience living at home or with roommates and have gotten in the habit of forcing themselves to be quiet. Of course, this is a challenge, and when you can help a woman break that habit, their orgasms APPEAR to be louder and more physical, but they may not be better or worse.

Still, it isn't the orgasm I chase or covet. If she doesn't come, she doesn't come. I'm a great listener, and when we're done and out of the bedroom, I will often times ask if there is more I can do in general. Some women I've been with just didn't know their orgasms at all. Others were too sensitive, or not sensitive enough. Some preferred skipping foreplay and just banging hard for 45 minutes, others needed more touching than seemed possible, and light strokes that didn't go too deep. Each woman is different.

For the chatter who told me that most women don't orgasm from the first sexual experience with a guy, I'll disagree completely. I am friends with EVERY lover I've had save 3 (one being a recent one, mutually deciding to cut ties). They often still talk about how good I was with them, for them, on them, in them. It's not to stroke my ego (maybe to stroke theirs). Sometimes they ask me for advice on how they can get there with their boyfriends or husbands or lovers. Usually my answer is the same: build desire in yourself, in them. Tease more. Restrain yourselves more. Sex is too much fun to rush through it every time. Sex is too fun to forget to rush through it on occasion. Mix it up.

Never chase the orgasm. I won't come always from sex. I very rarely come from blowjobs, never from handjobs, never from ass fucking. It's just sex, as I said yesterday. When I fuck, when I make love, when I go down on a woman, it's just to shower her with my passion in hopes of stoking her own. The kissing, the touching, the foreplay, the sucking and fucking and unloading: it's all part of the sharing of our passions. If we both come, that's a bonus, but in reality, orgasm can be a let down if there's no more energy to play around some more.

And for me, the playing around before, during and after sex is far more important than the actual 2 minute orgasm you or I might have. Yes, I want to come. Yes, I want you to come. But more importantly, I want us to not get bored of our passion for each other, I don't want to lose it, waste it, derive sadness or frustration from it.

So if we fuck, let's fuck. Let's not chase the big O or the little O. I want you throbbing for me when you're not with me. I want you wet when you hear my voice on your voice mail. I want you aching for my touch, even if I am inches from you. I want you to want my body, my face, my hair, my hands. The cock and pussy are the least important things, and if they're used too fast or focused on too much, passion can disappear in a moment. That moment feels fucking awesome, but it still isn't enough, it isn't everything.

In my opinion, it's almost nothing.

A man with hands, a woman with a scar, Part IV

This is the final part of a 4-part mini-series of posts.  You should start with Part I here.  Please don't link to any post in this mini-series.  Don't email your friends a link to it either.

I smile at her little game.  "I'm not kidding." I stand up and walk to her bookshelf where her DVDs are organized in seemingly complete random order.  "They're not organized randomly."  I know.  You sorted them by times in your life when you watched them a lot.  "Holy shit."  The kettle overflows with water.  She pours some out as I select the movie The Bourne Supremacy.

I walk to one of three drawer stands in the room, the one further from the couch and the TV.  I open the drawer and grab the remote.  I turn to see her watching me.  "How the hell did you know the remote is there?"  You keep it far from the couch and the TV so you don't watch too much too easily.  "You know THAT?"  You have a scar that runs deep into your psyche.  "That's, that's just..." It's not incredible.  It's what I do.  "Do you scare people?"  Every day.  "I'm not scared."  You know me.  "I don't know a thing about you!"  Yes you do.  She looks at me and smiles.

She turns the kettle on and starts to grab a few boxes of tea.  I ask for the mint green, not being able to see her selection since the cabinet door is facing me.  "How did you know I had mint green?"  I smelled it from earlier.  "Now that's scary."  Not really.  "What else do you know from smell?  Can you scare me more?"  Ralph was here within the past 48 hours.  "How did you know that?"  He smokes menthol.  "He tried to but I told him to put it out.  I told him to leave."  It's OK.  "He surprised me, too.  He left though, and I doubt he'll come back again.

She grabs the tea and she grabs herself chamomile, which is especially pungeant.  She sits next to me and we turn the movie on.  "Do you like this movie?"  I don't remember.  Maybe.  "You forgot seeing it?"  Yes.  "That's terrible."  It lets me focus on today and tomorrow rather than yesterday.

"You are always smiling.  Are you always happy?"  I am.  "Ever sad?"  No.  "How is that possible?"  I explain to her my my mental disability.  She doesn't believe me, so I tell her to get her notebook and look it up on wikipedia.  She does.  She's shocker.  Her mouth is open, but no words come out.  She looks at me, she looks at the notebook, then nods her head.  I watch Matt Damon looking much heavier than any manmade spy machine would be.  I remember this part.

"That explains it all."  Yes.  "The whole thing.  It's not a game."  No.  "What do you want from me?"  I want to watch the movie and drink tea.  "That's all?"  No.   "What else?"  I'd like to fuck.  She looks at me while I watch the movie, getting up to get the tea ready.  She puts the kettle down after opening one teabag.  The movie is interesting so I almost miss not smelling the scent of green mint or chamomile or both combined.  She puts the teabag down into a cup and puts the cups away, as well as her tea boxes.

"Let's go."  Where?  "To bed."  Just like that?  "Yes.  But to talk more."  I follow her into her bedroom.

11:45PM

Her bed is messy.  There's no sign or scent of sex in the air.  I always know if a woman has had other lovers between cleaning the sheets.  She hasn't.  There's enough body hair of hers on the pillow and enough wrinkles in the sheets that she hasn't had anyone in that bed in a long time.  It makes me sad.  She's lovely, but she hurts still over the tragedy of her non-visible scar.  I sit on the bed and take my shoes off.  "Forward, aren't we?" she jokes as she removes her shoes, too.  I laugh back.  She sits next to me on the bed but falls onto her back, plays with my hair.  I turn to look at her.

We talk for half an hour about things that make us laugh, that might make me sad, people we loved, people we hated.  Her laugh is addictive.  I smile, thinking about kissing her.  She reads my mind again.  "Not yet."  She unbuttons her dress from behind while sitting, then stands up and pulls it off.  "You've seen me naked through my words.  Can you see me naked while we talk somemore?"  Absolutely.  "Is there a difference between the two?"  None at all.  "Do you want to see me this way?"  I shake my head yes, one of the most significant gestures I can make.  She sees it right away and smiles in understanding.

12:15PM

Her bra comes off as do her panties.  She trimmed today.  Her legs are shaven smooth.  She was thinking of sleeping with me already.  The entire time I realized this, I was only looking at her face.  I tell her she's beautiful.  "Just my face?"  I look at her body.  Her boobs are nice, fairly small.  She's in great shape, but there's an obvious side effect of when she was overweight.  I like it.  I look at her pubic hair, which is glistening from the street lamp coming into the window.  "I shaved today."   I know.  "I know you know, I wanted to see if I could read you."  Anyone can.  "I'm wet, too."  She runs her hand down her flat belly, down her pubic hair, and then sits down next to me.

We talk, me focusing on her eyes.  Licking my lips to talk as I always do but restraining myself.  We shares funny bed stories, noticing when I gesture a reply of familiarity.  She keeps talking about how few women I've slept with and says she understands why that is.  "You really do keep things where people need them to be."  I do.  "It's not because you're shy."  I'm not.  "You're confident you can do anything, anyone."  Yes.  "Will you be my fourth?"  Fourth?  "Lover?  Fuck?  One night stand or whatever you think I need?"  I'm silent.  I look at her face, at her eyes.  She sits back up to kiss me.  I can smell her pussy very strongly.

"Will you take your clothes off for me?"  I stand up, remove my shirt and my pants, slowly but at a decent speed.  I take off my Emporio Armani black undershirt and shorts.  My cock is hard, and it's soaking in precum.  She grabs my hand, spreads her legs, and pulls me closer.   We both shuffle up to the bed, kissing deeply.  Only 10 minutes pass.  "I don't have protection.  Have you been tested lately?"  This year.  Every 6 months.  "But you don't fuck around?"  I've been with people who have problems.  You never know.  "Do you always use protection?"  Yes.  "Even tonight?"  If it's available, otherwise we can do other things.  "Do you have condoms?"  In the car.  "Go get one."  I pull my jeans on only, and run outside barefoot.  I return from the car in moments.  She has her vibrator out and she's already using it.

12:30PM

I lay down next to her and take it away.  "I need that to finish."  I tell her she's beautiful, and that an orgasm isn't why I'm here.  Not for me, not for her.  She grabs my hard cock and asks if I want a blowjob.  I don't.  "Why not?"  It's not necessary.  I don't tell her this, but I know she doesn't like giving them.  Fat girls give a lot of blowjobs in high schoool.  If they get skinny, it becomes a negative idea.  "You know."  I do.

We kiss some more, and her vibrator falls to the floor.  "I'll need that later."  I'll get it if you do.  Her moans are amazing.  I don't turn her on her front because I know she is conscious of her back.  I skip it, even though it is generally my favorite part.  I focus on her shoulders, her muscular arms, her hips and flat belly with obvious abs under a very thin layer of skin, not fat.  She's magnificent, just as women are.  "I'm nervous."  I'm not.  I won't push beyond your limit.

"I'm nervous that you're going to be amazing and that this will be all we'll share."  You're not looking for a boyfriend.  "Right."  You're not looking for a friend with benefits.  "Exactly." So what's the problem?  "I don't want to lose someone this amazing."  We can skip the sex.  "I need it.  I thought you were playing a game.  You're not.  I need you inside of me."

I roll over to the nightstand to get my box of condoms.  I put one on while she watches.  "No foreplay?"  All night was foreplay.   "Yes, it was."  I roll her onto her side, away from me as in a spooning position.  I kiss her cheek and run my hand down her side.  She shudders.  "I need my vibrator."  Don't worry, I'll last awhile.  We'll get it later.  "I trust you" she tells me as I enter her.

12:40PM

She moans.  "Oh, god you're thick."  She's tight, but not too tight.  I slowly drive into her.  "Oh, yes, right there."  I'm barely doing anything, but I figured her position out right.  I'm pumping into her, slowly.  "Oh, that's so good."  Only 15 minutes pass.  I put her in 3 different positions, not wanting to wear her out.  Finally I put her on top of me, reverse cowgirl.  

Her legs are powerful and she balances just fine.  "Oh, god that's so good."  She's bouncing on my cock, pulling up slowly but forcing herself down hard.  "Oh, fuck, I need it deep in me."  She's getting it as deep as I can give her.  After a minute or so of her pounding on me, I start to slightly lift my hips to meet her at her lowest point.  "Oh, Chicago, damn it, fuck me."  I do.  She gets a little wobbly, so I hold her hips.  She's thrusting faster now, up and down, so I meet her with as much force as I can on her down swing.  "Oh, fuck fuck."  Do it, Stace.  "Fuck yes, fuck me, yes."  You can come if you're ready.  "Yes, god, fuck fuck, I'm there don't stop, Chicago, don't stop."  She's pounding so hard into me that she's hurting my hips.  One hand reaches around and claws my arm with her nails.  Fuck me, Stace,  Fuck me.  "Oh I'm, I'm coming.  Oh god I'm coming.  Don't stop."  I keep pounding her as she loses control.  She starts to topple over to her side, so I grasp her hips and roll her onto her belly, still inside of her.

As soon as her stomach is on the bed, I ram into her some more.  "Oh, I'm still coming, oh god please don't stop."  I don't.  She's still shuddering as I pound into her.  This is the hardest I've fucked a woman in probably 4 years.  I'm fearful I'll fall out as this position isn't good for my cock length.  I'm hard as a rock, pushing her shoulders down hard so her ass comes up enough for me to slide in.

"Oh, more more moremoremore." I oblige.  "Uhhh, oh god." I come, but I'm so hot for her to come again that I stay hard.  "Uhhh, yes more harder fuck me fuck me."  She's loud, so loud.  I keep pounding and her ass comes up to meet me finally.  "ohh I'm coming. what the fuck, uhhhhh." She does.

12:55PM
I stop after her 2 minute long orgasm #2.  It takes her nearly 5 minutes to say anyting.  I've long since popped out of her, still hard but my condom is too full to go further.  She turns over.  "Oh my god.  Oh my god."  She holds my small hand in both of hers.  "Oh my god.  That was, oh god."  I'm Chicago.  ChicagoSane.  She laughs. "That's your last name?"  Another thing people made fun of in high school.  "It suits you."  She laughs, and then her face shows torment when she sees my hard cock.  "Oh my god, you didn't finish!"  I did.  She looks at the condom, filled with my come.

"You're still hard."  I'm finished.  Don't worry.  "I can't believe it."  She reaches down and pulls off the condom.  Come falls all over her hands and my cock.  "When did you come?"  Before you did the second time.  "And you kept fucking me?"  You needed it.

She ties off the condom, just as I would, and licks the come from her fingers.  "Mmm."  That's not necessary.  "No, but I like it."  She finishes.  Then she kisses me.  "You're not grossed out?"  Nothing grosses me out.  We lay down and talk some more.  "Threesomes?"  No problem.  "Two guys and a girl?"  Sure.  "Touch a guy's dick?"  No, but not because it's gross.  It's just not my thing.  "Fucked a girl in the ass?"  A few.   "Like it?"  They did, so I did.  "Anything you like to do in bed?"  Continue our story.

1:00AM

"Nothing that you like for yourself?"  Two things.  "What are they?"  It's not important, it doesn't make the sex better or worse.  "Will you tell me?"  Think about tonight and then guess.  She lays down with her head in my arms.  It's almost exactly 1am.  We fucked for less than an hour or so.  This women is going to break me.

1:05AM

"You like to take photos."  Yes.  "Of every woman?"  No.  "How do you choose?"  I don't.  "Women actually ask you to take their photos?" Yes.  "Do you always?"  Yes.  "Where are the photos?" Printed and stuck in a locked journal and deleted.  "That's how you remember them.  Us."  Yes.  And the written word.  "That's amazing.  I've never done it before.  Guys have asked."  It's ok.  I'm not asking.  She pauses.

1:10AM

"You can."  Not if you're uncomfortable.  "Would you show me some?"  No.  "No one, ever?"  Never.  "Then I want you to."  Ok.  "What's the other thing?"  Think some more.  "Does it have to do with remembering?"  Yes.  She thinks about it.  She's at a loss.  "I have no idea."  Then it isn't important.  "Would it make tonight better?"  No.  "More memorable?" Yes.  "So why won't you tell me?"  It something the woman has to ask for.

"Butt sex?"  No.  "Something I should do to you?"  No.  "Something you would do to me?"  Yes.  I notice her toes are still curled up.  "My feet?  Do you want to come on my feet?"  No.  I just noticed your toes were curled still.  It's cute.  We kiss.  We kiss for another few minutes, her stroking my cock which is getting hard again after going limp from the talking.  She's moaning, but I can tell she's done for the night.

1:13AM

She pulls my face away from hers.  "Do you want to come on my face?"  Yes.  "Is that it?"  Yes.  "And take a picture?"  Yes.  "And no one will see it?" Not until I'm dead.  "Will you be careful?"  Yes.  "Not in the eye or anything, right?"  Yes.  "Guys have asked before, I always said no."  I don't care about what you've done before.  "Just what I do now?"  Yes.

She takes my cock into her mouth.  I try to pull it out.  "No.  I want this.  Really, really bad."  I let her continue.  She's good, which makes me sad.  "Don't be sad."  She sees my expression.  She's reading my mind now.  She's not deep throating me, but she's focusing on the right areas.  She tries to put her hand by my ass.  Definitely a pro at this.  I push her hand away.  She pops off of me.  "Do you want to do it hard or have me do it?"  Either way.  "What do you prefer?"  I want you comfortable.  She holds my cock in her hand and gets off the bed, onto her carpeted floor.

I step off the bed and put my cock back in her mouth, letting her use her spit and her head movements.  It doesn't take long and she can tell.  She pulls off and spits on my head and her hand and slides her hand almost perfectly.  "You can finish if you want."  Where?  "On my face.  use your hand if you want."  Where do you want it?  "Please come on my face."  I'm close.  "Come on my face and take a photo."  

1:16AM

I let loose, bare minutes after she started.  She closes her eyes and barely moves as each shot lands on her.  The first one went over her head, into her hair and dribbles down her forehead.  Each shot lands lower, until the final shot just barely hits her chin.  I miss her eyes entirely, but some dribbles down her right eyebrown and slides down the side of her face.  She opens her eyes slowly.  My cock is still hard in her hands.

1:17AM

"Can you do it again?"  Yes.  "What's your limit?"  I don't know.  "Does it go empty?"  Yes.  She's stroking my cock.  "Do you want to fuck me again?"  I do.  "What if we don't?"  It's ok.  "What if I go online and tell everyone who you are?"  It's fine.  She puts her mouth on my cock again, my come all over her face.  Her mouth is getting dry, though.  She stops, tells me to sit and goes to the kitchen.  She drinks about 16oz of water in 5 seconds flat.  "Lay down."

1:19AM

I do, and she works it again, this time with more spit.  My come on her face is slowly drying, but the view is amazing.  She's beautiful and she wants this.  I can tell.  She's smiling.  I'm getting close again.  She pulls off and uses her hand and her tongue on me.  "Do you like it when I talk dirty?"  Yes.  "Do you want to come on my face again?"  I do.  "Do you want to fuck me?"  Yes.  "In the ass?"  If you want it.  "Will you rape me?"  If you want me to.  "Please come on my face again."  

1:21AM

I do.  This time my load isn't as strong, but 2 out of 4 shots hit her face.  She opens her mouth to catch some and then lets it dribble down her chin.  Beautiful.

She licks up what is on my belly and on my cock.  "Do you have a camera?"  On my cell phone.  She turns all the lights on in her room and grabs my phone from my jacket pocket.  "Take my picture."  She lays on her bed.  I snap one shot.  "How did it turn out?"  I don't know.  "Take more."  One is enough.

1:23AM

"Do you want anything more tonight?"  No.  "Can you go again?"  If you want me to.  She laughs.  "You've been happy since the moment you picked me up."  I say nothing.  "Except for ten seconds in the car."  She noticed.  "I thought you were going to cry."  I did, but I don't tell her.  She starts to wipe my come off her face.  "Should I keep it here?"  If you want, it's not necessary.  I can get you a towel.  "I'll take care of it."  She gets up and comes back in moments.  She's still beautiful.

"Why do you like that?"  It's nothing specific.  Just a fun way to really remind me that we were together like this.  "If they ask for a photo, do you take a picture of just their face?"  Yes.  "Nothing else?"  Not unless they ask me to.  "How many ask?"  Maybe half.  "Do you ever tell anyone about liking it?"  Only when they ask.  And online now, I guess.  "Are you sleeping with anyone from your website?"  No.  "Will you?" No idea.  Maybe.  "Do you want me to read it?"  If you want.  "Will I get sad or jealous?"  Some people do.  "I don't know.  I'm not good at retaining words, but others can make me mad or sad.   I don't want to know.  "That's OK."

1:26AM

She snuggles up against me, reverse spooning.  "Will we do this again?"  I'm not sure.  "Do you want to?"  Of course.   "Do you always want to with everyone you sleep with?"  Yes.  "I don't want a boyfriend.  Or a friend with benefits."  I know.  "Would you be sad if it didn't happen again?"  I don't get sad.  "What if it doesn't happen for awhile?"  Same thing.  "Are you glad we did it all?"  Yes.  More than you realize.

"I can get emotional really quickly.  If you spend the night, fall asleep with me, it'll complicate things."  I know.  "So you understand?"  Yes.  I can leave whenever you want to.  She grabs my cock and strokes it.  It starts to get hard.  "My god, I love that thing."  I'm glad.  "Did you plan on sleeping with me tonight?"  Just the opposite.  "Why?"  I knew you had a scar.

1:28AM

Then I dressed.  She kissed me, very passionately.  "I don't want to want you."  I know.   "You're no good for me."  How can I be?"  "You can't.  At least you understand."  Of course.  "You won't be alone."  I don't get lonely.  "I know.  I just can't believe you're not taken, but I also can't see who could handle you.  You really forget things?"  Too many things to list.  "It bothers women."  Yes it does.  "Has anyone been unbothered by it?"  None.  "Do you fall in love?"  Every time.   "Only with sex?"  No.  "Does it hurt you when it's over?"  No.  "Is that mean?"  No.

"You're still smiling.  It's sexy.  You're happy."  I am.  "Ok.  Get out here before you change your mind.  Feel free to write about it all.  I trust you not to tell anything that would tell people who I am."  I won't.  She kisses me.  "I love you, too"  I know.  "But not like a boyfriend or a lover or a friend."  I know.  "That's how you feel, right?"  Yes.  "About everyone?"  Yes.

1:30AM

I leave her place, Jason Bourne kicking someone's ass on the television.  I'm driving home much earlier than I had expected once we had started.  My face was soaked with my own tears one I turned the corner form her block.  Not sad tears.  Not happy tears.  Just tears that needed to flow.

I deleted her photo from my cell phone.  Yes, Stace, I love you.  I love everyone.  It's not a good thing.  It's a horrible thing to love and to forget against your will.  It's my cross to bear.  It's why I listen.  It's why I fuck.  It's why I live the life that I do.  Not alone.  Not solitary.  Not sad.  Not bored.  I don't need conquests.  I don't like making friends and then losing them over a forgotten birthday.  I don't want to forget anniversaries or special things that happened on this very day 1 year ago or 10 years ago.  I don't get sad about it, but I wish it could change.

It's a fucking curse, not being able to be sad.  I try to.  I see sad movies.  I go to funerals of people I have loved.  I lose pets.  I lose friends over pettiness.  The tears I shed in the car on my way home are real tears, but they're not sad tears.  What are they?

2:30AM

No one knows.  Not even me.  This girl broke me, but I am not sad.  It was unexpected.  No one understands the curse that keeps you happy, satisfied, amazed, interested, desiring, forgetting, ignoring, losing touch.  She doesn't get it either, but she got enough.

I am amazed.

Spoiler alert below (highlight to read)

The man with hands is me.  Not physical hands, but just an ability to grasp things.  Like all hands, you eventually have to let go of what you grasp.  I do it automatically.  If you put something down, you  sometimes forget where.  I forget every day.

The woman with a scar was Stace, not her real name.  Her scar wasn't just that she was fat, but that she clinged to the idea that it had an effect on her.  I tricked Stace tonight.  I never do this.  I don't play games, but I played one with her: I helped her navigate through the pain of feeling useless.  I gave her sledgehammer, prompted her with just enough information about me, and I let her break me down.  Why her?  She's harmless.  But a few things she did or said were completely spot on.

She figured me out.  No one does.  I was left amazed.  Her focus on herself let me leave my own body.  She knew I was there, I didn't.  Her stories didn't sadden me, but I understood the hole that existed in her.  It is an easy hole to fill.

Stace will not call me.  I won't call her.  I think we both know what we offered each other: a breakdown by another that was needed.  It wasn't about sex.  It wasn't about having a woman figure out my deepest desires.  Most don't and I still love sex.  I needed sex today.  It could have been anyone, but she was obviously more attached to figuring me out through her own inquiries that I didn't answer directly.

I'm not a mystery.  I'm not some scary guy.  I don't read mind.  I don't pretend to know the answers to everything.  I inquire so I can learn, and so those who answer can learn, too.  I don't penetrate the soul or rob any essence.  I've never pushed anyone to do anything with me, but I show them the most comfortable place they can be, and use my own verbal tactics to produce a conversation that brings out what they need.

Sometimes it's a friend.  Sometimes it's a lover.  For Stace, it was neither.  She needed to feel skinny.  There's no way to do that.  Instead, she tore me up, and when she did, she knew she wasn't fat anymore.

End of spoilers.

I seriously thought I would kill ChicagoSane, a sort of blogger suicide.  But I won't.  I'm glad to have shed those tears that someone came so close to seeing that what pains me is nothing that eats at me or destroys me or brings me down.  I will soon forget it happened, except for this blog entry.

But that's the curse: imagine if someone was coming into your home every day and doing the most vile and violent act on you possible, and you forgot.  Imagine if you won the lottery every day, but tomorrow you had no idea and the ticket was destroyed in the wash.  That's the curse.

This isn't due to some childhood trauma or abuse.  It isn't due to an imbalance in me.  It's a problem that some people are subjected to due to their own genetic structure, their chemical structure, their mental structure.  I am very fast as seeing details, but I lose them quickly.  Like a blind person with great hearing, I am fast at "reading minds," but faster at losing what I read.  There's a term for my mental condition.  Email me privately for more information.

It's only 2:30am and already I'm happy again.  Already I'm horny again.  If I had the opportunity, I would jump on a plane now and ravage the first woman who propositioned me.

Instead I am going to smoke another pack of cigarettes and read my own writings.

The smile is real.  It never goes away.  When you're down on yourself, when you hate life, when you hate reality, give me 5 seconds of that sadness, so I can live it too.  You can remember being sad.  If for one moment I could have it, I would give up all I have and all I can have.

Feel free to leave a comment, or send me an email (see my sidebar).  Add me as a follower (you can do it anonymously and no one will know, not even me).  If you think I should stop writing after this night and event, let me know.  I'm not going to, but I wonder if anyone would have agreed with the idea.

More to come.  Smokes, and reading, until I need sleep.